what money?

 

Please disregard my request to be a beta tester. I would now like to be a Charlie or Delta tester if the product has reached that stage of evolution.

Thanks for your consideration....

 

We at Webb Motorsports are proud to announce our involvement with goaljnky products! The newest prototype is on the way here, and it will happen. We are going to be doing extensive dyno and acceleration testing to post numbers as soon as we have sold the first 50 units.

Outstanding job goaljnky - I am proud to be selling these outstanding products and helping with Echo and Foxtrot testing

You are going to absolutely love these pieces, trust me.

Randy

 

On Horizon Automotive would like to thank
Webb Motorsports and Randy Webb personally
for joining our growing and adoring family.

We would also like to thank Mr. Webb for joining
our talented Echo and Foxtrot R&D teams under
the tutelage and leadership of the world renowned
automotive expert and inventor, Roger Wilco:


(we do not allow cameras in our research facilities.
Above is an artist's depiction)

The Echo and Foxtrot R&D teams will soon be testing
new and exciting products at a world famous facility
which we can only identify as Area XX in order to keep
the prying eyes of our envious competitors in check.
Extensive canyon carving and testing will be conducted
due to its undeniable scientific value.

 

When will your adoring public be able to see your upgraded products in unobtanium. :impatient Surely you are not going to rest on your laurels and continue using wimpy materials such as Titanium or carbon fiber are you?

 

When the products finally make through the preceding phonetic alphabet testing groups I'd like to be in the Whiskey R&D team.

 

ALERT: Possible copyright infringement... From a recent announcement, I think someone is trying to scoop your scoop....

 

Randy, I was overjoyed to hear this news! WMS + Horizon =

For all you folks who don't know Randy Webb - let me introduce him to you.

Randy and I began our relationship about four years ago at a fundraiser for the Gay/Lesbian Communist Youth Charity Fund. With his overgelled hair and cocksure strut, Randy immediately caught my eye.

To make a long story short, we have partied together on many occasions. He has slept in my house (many times without my knowledge) and is like a father to my two kids (who look eerily like him).

While Jerry has placed a strict ban on development pictures, I'd like to share with you some photos of the Randy Webb I know:

Ha! What a tease, stay tuned for some pics!

 

My hero?

 

It's just that the announcement was so nice, we had to make it twice.

 

It was another announcement from a different vendor.... Not this thread...

 

Show me. link?

 

Very clever goalknky! I decided to research your super secret "Area XX" by googleing it. What came up in the all knowing search engine? http://www.touristnetuk.com/em/NORFO...ions/index.htm
It's an Act of sheer genious realizing that the only way to truly test the canyon carving abilities of a British car is in Great Britain! I can't wait to see how the importation of a genuine canyon to your secret test area goes.

BTW, I recieved the pieces you shipped, great shipping spead and the products fit perfectly with no modification, tools, adhesives, or fastening devices needed! You revolutionary Gravity Mounting system works like perfectly. I haven't had to use the Airconditioning once since installing the scoops on my sunroof and in fact they seem to work so well that the air outside the car is air conditioned as well! It's only 30 degrees around my car right now.

 

On behalf of Jerry and the Horizon Automotive staff, I would like to announce the completion of our delta testing of their latest offering:



After extensively testing for almost a full day, we are tickled to offer our new 42% crank pulley. The mouth-watering design is the illegitimate love-child of extensive computer modeling and CNC machining.

The Horizon/Goaljnky 42% crank pulley theoretically should assist in reducing the rotational whatchamacallit of the adiabatic charge of the hemorraging laminar flow, which in turn should increase the reduction of the pressure drop across the meatus - in effect increasing horsepower and torque (although we haven't yet proven this - take our word on it or at least the word of the North Korean firm that makes the product).

Use this in combination with the Goaljnky supercharger reduction pulley, and boost yourself and our profits to the upper strata of Mini Cooper tuning and performance.

Weight: 19.0lbs

Bonus! Pictures of RD with Jerry and Camelpilot!



After several grueling hours testing the 42% crank pulley, Jerry settles a bet with Camelpilot on how may beer bottles it would take to completely outline his prone corpse.





One of my favorites, and one that speaks to the comraderie of the Goaljnky Staff: Camelpilot, after several tough days of R&D in the shop is the victim of a playful prank by Jerry while attempting to catch up on his sleep.

 

Do not try to disquise the fact that Jerry was really doing a seat of the pants test on the upcoming "Flame Thrower Exhaust".

 

Hey... when will you guys be releasing that solid gold and diamond encrusted pulley?

I think you mentioned it will sell for $1799 and give 20.13 to 20.67 more horsepower? Did I hear that correctly? Oh, and will you be discounting it to NAM members?

 

I believe you will have to to rethink this aspect of your induction equation, or, at least apply for the legal rights to use this design, as it looks suspiciously like the missing front wheel from my chopper.

I may even have to ask for further compensation due to stress related excessive wheelieing.

As to the threat of your tattling to the authorities over the perceived cribbing of my name, I have applied for a U.S. patent (no. 9G99R99T9GJRNRHRIORFIEJURHGBVJ8F8R7E4HFNVCIFIF-VJFNFUVUFJFDNNFJUVIRIRIRIEYUEYTETETTYR656565758585 895950950501). Until that is either approved or rejected, no legal action can be pursued. Of course, that may not stop you from throwing eggs at my house, but that is a chance I will have to take.

I'll have my people contact your people, which may work out for the best because my people adore people named Trixie and Bambi. In fact, they were so excited by their last conversation, they hunted down two ladies of questionable reputation and ethics that looked like they very well may have possessed those very names. I don't want to know what transpired, but no work was done the following day.

We have no complaints about the human beer bottle arrangement, or the guy with the burrito up his butt, so we feel more than pleased to endorse whatever licentious plans you may have for those items. I'm sure everyone will love them.

Zip

 

Hey Jerry,

Thanks for the opportunity to test your new springs. After extensive canyon carving I have to say they feel like nothing I've ever felt before. I absolutely love them.

However, I have to ask about the increased noise I hear after installing the springs. With your excellent record of customer service, I'm sure you'll be happy to take a look for me, right? Good. I thought so.

Thanks for your great commitment to the MINI community. I hope to hear your response soon.

Steve

 

On Horizon Automotive International is indeed proud to announce the release of our much anticipated 42% crank pulley as previously announced by our VP of operation, the honorable Skiploader:



Product Release Announcment

In conjunction with our brand new v.2 ceramic self adhesive bolt free super charger pulley:



and the self adjusting super charger belt which comes in what is widely believed to be the fastest color:



These items were engineered for the informed Mini enthusiast
who demands quality and reliability while striving for superior
performance and horse power gains. Engineered to exacting
standards with fit and finish that are fantastic.

Please call the shop and speak to Trixie (who is temporarily
back from school after a much publicized frat party), or Bambi.
You will absolutely love it.

 

Steve,

I knew you would love our product. We rely on customers
with your superior engineering knowledge and experience
to provide the positive feedback that we so love to hear
in the public forums.

We have looked into the noise that you are experiencing with
our top of the line lowering springs.



After additional research we have established
that the springs vibrate at a high frequency.
At the same time we noticed that our cars interior
was slightly less faded that some other Minis we
have been in. Therefore the logical conclusion is that
the vibrations of the springs produces a harmonizing noise
that occurs on the same frequency as the harmful UV
light thus canceling out the UV lights harmful effect.

Please enjoy the new added benefits of our fantastic
product and thank you for bringing it to ours and our
adoring publics' attention.

 

Thanks, man,

I knew my anthracite looked more anthraciter lately. I just couldn't figure out why.

Steve

 

This thread causes a few thoughts to come to mind

" Friends don't let friends post drunk "

" PUI = Posting under the influence "

 

I belive that is a picture of Jerry warming up the butt dyno before a rigorous period of canyon testing.

 

Birp

 

On behalf of On-Horizon Automotive I am all giggly to introduce our latest revolutionary product.

The Goaljnky Steel Aero Splitter



Conceived by Jerry and I in the shower this morning, another innovative addition to the Goaljnky product range... our new Steel Front Splitter. Add down force, ponderous weight and stunning looks to your Mini in 620 breezy minutes. Fully adjustable with all the stainless steel hardware (sold separately). Fits regular and aero kit front bumpers.


VW Golf model shown below.


On a sadder more serious note, we at On-horizon Automotive have been getting some mean e-mails from people who do not appreciate our products or our ethics I would like to share one of these with you:

El Joto Loco from Yuma Arizona writes: Skippy, I've always enjoyed your biting wit, stinging sarcasm and Meatloaf like good looks. This time you've pushed it too far. I know what you and your stupid friends are up to. Stop mocking other Vendors business models and grow up you d$%&!.

Well Joto Loco I am 37 years old, so I am very grown up -and popular - because my Mom tells me so. Also, not all of my friends are stupid, only Camelpilot is. Third, we're not mocking anyone's business models. We have alot in common with other reputable Vendors here on NAM.

(1) We both steal other peoples idea's.

(2) We outsource to North Korea, They outsource to Taiwan and Hong Kong. What's a couple hundred miles?

(3) We get our fanboys to start threads praising our products - diito for them. Free advertising baby!

(4) We both encourage our groupies to discredit legitimate posters who have issues with our products - it's fun to humiliate people who dare have issues with us!

(5) We also both do the bare minumum of product testing that we can get away with. That way you the consumer can feel special knowing that you're part of our R&D team!

In the end Joto, it's obvious that we both use the same business model. So why not buy from us, at least were honest about it!

Toodles!

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