Exciting new Product on the Horizon...

I find the title of this thread to be misleading. I am the proud owner of a 1987 Plymouth Horizon and I have every exciting and new product already on it. I have posted a photo of my gem.

 

"SHOW ME THE NUMBERS!!!!"
Jim

 

This thread is definitely well on its way to setting the record for pages/numbers of posts.

I am going to have to carefully weigh whether to enable instant email notification option for thread subscription. I could see my BlackBerry getting overwhelmed if I do.

 

I hear what you are saying about your products but I'm just not buying it. I need REAL scientific proof or dyno numbers to believe what you are saying....

Here is the real question:
Will you post scientific data and dyno numbers on your amazing products? OR, just pretend that I didn't ask you any questions and play stupid?

 

I'll take a wild guess and go with the "pretend" option.

 

Come on already! Where is the data and dyno numbers? I've been waiting for LIKE Forever! Gosh! What kind of customer support is this!?

 

Clo, you will get what you pay for.

 

You fiend.

I've been lured in by your fancy website and your promises of new and innovative products.

Six months ago I bought your controversial Twin Dual Suppository Procto-Ram System.



I later found out it was a rebranded product from Myanmar pieced together by retired hookers afflicted with strabismus. While attempting to stuff it under the bonnet of my Mini it fell out and crushed our dog........

To all of you Nammers out there unfamiliar with this product, please note that the core unit was $599, the carbon fiber wheels were another $299 and the dual tapered bore air ducts ran another $499. They also sell a gel-coated lace doily and tea set for the top of the unit for $199.

The car actually lost 50 hp on a mustang dyno after it was installed but my butt dyno insists its faster. The concept behind the product is deceptively complicated in its simplicity - the unit is mounted in the passenger seat. You rip out your speedometer, stereo, steering wheel, tach and climate control panel. The twin dual tapered bore ducts feed into the backside of the CAI unit (sold separately for $299). The unit pumps cold air from your backseat into your
intake. On paper it sounded good.............

Your fanboys like Ken "Look Ma I'm at 1,000,000 Posts!" Chan and Cameltoe may end up harrassing me but I'm past caring. Your products suck and the only thing skirt steak is good for is fajitas.

Bring it on, punk.

 

Good! I love skirt steak!

 

I've had enuff from people like you that do nothing but criticize the hard work put in by tuners of this MINI community.

There was nothing wrong with the Twin Dual Suppository Procto-Ram System. Why in the hell would they have released something without track or canyon testing it?

My neighbour's dog's uncles brother bought this system and he told me it fit in his car just fine. Granted he had to drill 5 new holes, and buy a new front end, but those adjustments are quite simple once you stop and think how to do it. Nothing complicated about it.

Quite frankly, I've had enuff of your snide remarks, skippy, and I suggest that the mods delete all the posts in this thread not related to the On the Horizon CAI.

 

 

This OtH CAI has me intrigued, it looks solidly constructed, and looks like it might aid me in my hobby of small bird collecting.

By the way this thread is a very amusing. It could be real, it could be a joke and it feels like the sarcasm is running THICK in here. Either way I'm still watching the progress.

 

I have heard rumors that you are working on a smaller version of this to insert in the MINI exhaust pipe(s) to further increase exhaust gas release at the bottom end. Will they be made of the same high-grade beer-can aluminum as the exhaust tips? Will the increased air flow out of the exhaust add a propulsion effect, thereby adding horsepower and top-end speed? Most importantly, will these products be available in Canada and are you looking for a distribution network? Please PM me with all necessary paperwork if you are interested in increasing your market.

 

I just want to make sure it doesn't stick more than six inches above the hood. Is it going to say "Weiland" on the side, or something? I'm going for that "last of the V8 Interceptors" look.....

 

You're thinking of another Vendor. Currently, this is the only product that they manufacture that is inserted in the exhaust pipe of the MCS:



(shown of course with their exclusive options).

FWIW, I ordered one of these and it had to be extensively modified to fit properly in my exhaust pipe.

 

Small words from a large man...........

Why don't you learn to use the "Ignore" button if you're so sick of my remarks?

Oh, I forgot, you're Goaljnky's Ghey Attack Dog. I guess that makes you a tough guy.

 

Does it come in Jet Black? What HP gains? Are cheese or bacon bits offered as an option?

 

Are you guys also going to provide a source for us to buy cold air? All the air we have around here is regular temperature air, so it won't fit in your CAI.

The dealership told me that I would void my warranty if I used the wrong temperature air. I bought two bags of cold air from the dealership at $600.00/bag, but installation was extra, and the last time I had them install it, they kept the car for two weeks, and spilled the cold air all over the back seats.

 

I just got off the phone with Trixie. Amazing she hit on me as well. I started asking her questions about the availability, HP and Tq gains and she answers with so when am I coming to see her.

Makes me wonder if this whole thing is really a front....


If it is real, I will gladly be a beta tester for your new CAI. I think it will compliement the new TVS sc that I will be beta testing in about 6 mos. At present my MINI has a list of mos that is far too long to list here. I did try that TwinTubo Cold air thingamigdy. It really did not work all that well. But I am not discouraged about the CAI you re developing. And if it can cook my Omaha steaks without over cooking them, then I am in!


Be safe.....

PS..
Since someone asked about color options. I would like one in the fastest color for MINIs; Electric Blue with white top

 

We are absolutely real and are here to meet your Mini moding needs.

Unfortunately we will not be pursuing this product for the
JCW brakes. We have found that JCW owner typically like
to stick to JCW parts and as such not enough of them are
interested in handing over their money for us to consider
them worthy of our attention. Should in the future enough
JCW BBK owners call us directly with promises of buying our
products we will gladly consider their groveling.

I see you have taken a spy photo of one of our test
cars. I guess when people are that excited and enthusiastic
about our products it is a good thing. All I can say is
that you will absolutely love it.

I am sorry. At this point we are not planning on offering
Blackberry support due to licensing issues. We do however
have a better technology in the works. It is being developed
by a little know but highly regarded inventor from a small Indian
Ocean Island named Prince Pakula del Sol par du Luna. It is
code named DingleBerry and will allow you to tune your car
wirelessly while driving using your steering wheel controls.
It is an exciting product that we are looking forward to bringing
to our customers. Stay tuned.

The numbers will be forthcoming shortly. We are currently
testing our product on the brand new Colt Dyno and there are
some calibration issues and correction factors that are being
worked out by Horse Industries (the manufacturers of the dyno).
Additionally, the new Adiabatic CAI has so surpassed our expectations
and is flowing so much cool air that we had to send our test
car out to an independent shop and hired an experienced tuner
to utilize the products full potential. I don't want to drop names,
but he is known as the guy who lives in the valley by the base of the
mountain with a penchant for devil worship.

So please be patient. The numbers will be here soon and believe me,
they will be fantastic.

I guess the cat is out of the bag. We are working on such product.
Due to steel tariffs imposed by the Canadian government all import
products will be made of the high quality Molson Golden beer can
aluminum, which I believe is more tin, but non the less has much higher
heat reflective properties.

We would be glad to have a person of your high moral standard and
intelligence (as is evidenced by your interest in our product) be our
Canadian distributor. Please email me your info to
WeWillTakeYourMoney@AdiabaticCAI.com for your franchisee info Packet.

Rest assured that "Adiabatic CAI" will be prominently displayed.
You will absolutely love it.

 

Loady,

We have discussed this before on many occasions.
It is obvious you do not fully understand the product
and have literally F-ed the pooch. I suggest that you
take your car to a reputable shop that is at least two
hours drive away from you for proper installation. Once
they get working right, I guarantee that you will absolutely
love it.

By the way, skirt steak and Fajitas are the king of all dishes.
They loved and consumed by a vast majority of the population
in Los Angeles, New Mexico and Souther Arizona.

I think it is entirely inappropriate for you to harass our many happy customers.

It is obvious that your dealer is not qualified, or trained to
handle the cold air. Specifically in the amounts supplied by
the Adiabatic CAI. I suggest that you take you Mini to a
more mod friendly and experienced dealer in your area.
Trust me, once you get the Adiabatic CAI installed properly,
you will absolutely love it.

We have been receiving a lot of calls for Trixie,
which speaks volumes about the quality of our
customer service. Unfortunately, my daughter
has departed for college. I hear Arizona State
has a wonderful Math Department. Rest assured
that customer service still remains our number one
priority and therefore is being taken over by my
wife, Bambi. You will absolutely love her.

 

As part of our system approach to the CAI we
would like to announce the latest addition to
our product line:

The Thermal Insulating Blanket:

Constructed of the best quality materials available,
and thoroughly tested by Fisher Price® this addition
will truly maximize the performance of your Mini when
added to our Adiabatic CAI. It is simply delicious.

 

. This is just great. Goaljnky I really admire the quality of the products put out by you guys. That thermal coating loooks sweeeeeeeet.

Is that THE Mickey Mouse Performance Engineering that supplies thermal coating to the F1 cars??

I WANT ONE.

Put me on the list. I cant wait for the whole kit to be released. You will be realeasing a kit right? Will it be street legal? When can we expect a price for the Horizon Mickey Mouse Kit?

 

I forgot to mention, if you need a test car in the Los Angeles area, you can use mine.

 

Camelpilot,

I appreciate your eagerness for our fantastic products.
Unfortunately we have decided to only allow Alpha and
Charlie testers in our testing program. We have found
the Beta testers to be somewhat unreliable and extremely
gossipy.

On a personal note. Having just watched last night Al Gore's
masterpiece "The Inconvenient Truth" it has become apparent
that with the imminent coming of the global warming our
Adiabatic CAI is not only a "MUST HAVE", but also a "FEEL GOOD"
mod of the decade.
We have sold out of our first shipment, but our Pakistani
supplier assures us that barring any unforeseen actions
by the Taliban we should have our next shipment shortly.
Give us a call at the shop and we will place you on the
pre-order list for this delicious product. You will love it.