Alright, bring on the lawyers! I've been outed! :impatient While I MAY (my counsel has advised me not to confirm nor deny, pending patent litigation) have licensed (licenced, for the brits) the idea to goaljnky, I never gave permission for my NAME to be spread all over the internet. I mean, why would I have gone to the great lengths of creating a secretive psuedonym if I didn't want my true identity to be kept a secret? :impatient Besides, you didn't even get the handle right - Eric_Rowland (it's the underscore that allows me to post with complete anonymity. )

 

ooops! but you know what i meant.

 

First mod to enhance the seat of pants. Enhances feel and feedback, providing a more pleasurable driving experience. Made of light weight high grade titanium and carbon fiber, it weighs a scant 7oz allowing quicker accelleration and breaking. The race version features reduced padding to put you in touch with every irregularity in the road allowing you to be more regular in the process. Proven to quicken driver input and responses. Availible in a variety colors and sizes to match your tastes.



(ib4tl)

 

Upon further analysis of the dyno runs we found yet another problem. The CAI is so effective my exhaust isn't as warm as it usually is. This means my muffler bearings never get up to operating temp and therefore don't operate as effeciently as they could. Our current choices look to be to either develope a muffler bearing delete kit, or find a solution to preheat them. Since the car no longer needs gasoling, and I still have half a tank, I'm going to try retrofitting a bunsen burner to the exhaust system and plumb it so that it's fed by the stock fuel system. Hopefully this will bring the EGTs back up to a normal operating temp.

 

We are considering these new products for our race Mini Cooper S.

Question: Can this intake be run in series to create even greater performance?

We were hoping to stack 4 of these bad boys in series, to accommodate 4 steaks.

I have a very hungry & pit crew to feed after each race!

If this won't work on your current version & we would be happy to assist your company in design & testing for a light weight quad carbon fiber or titanium race version.

A standard weight quad unit would be a great upgrade for the street Minis too, attracting thousands of new buyers to the Mini Cooper, sports fan, tailgate party's, soccer Moms etc. etc.

This will be HUGE!

Thanks for bring such innovation to the Mini community!

 

Canyon Mini: you bring up an interesting question.
We have computer modeled this concept and it
seems that stacking 4 of our intakes in fact results
in a better than a x4 improvement. It seems that
this is such an innovative product that the QuadraStacking
in fact produces a geometric progression resulting in a
factor 16 improvement. This improves the flow of
the now super cool air while at the same time
having the effect of cooking the skirt steak at
convection oven speeds. Truly an innovation no other
vendor could aspire to bring to the market anytime
soon.

We will be starting production of this product as
soon as the workers at our manufacturing facility
return from their island's monthly scheduled Coup De Tat.
Only the best materials will be used in the manufacture
of the QuadAdiabatic CAI.

The patent is pending on this product, but you have
been placed at the top of the Pre-Order list. You
will also be receiving a complimentary vinyl with our
company logo to proudly display on your race Mini.

 

I am proud to announce a new Horizon Innovations
product for our beloved Minis.

The concept: TMIC are inefficient. FMIC are too
expensive. I bring you a TFMIC:





This new design takes the cooling of the intake
charge to a whole new level. The system comes
with a new hood scoop to allow for the flow of air
to directly interact with the intercooler, unlike the
lesser designs from other vendor. The intercooler
has been hand machine welded and tested by the
top aircraft designers for efficiency and quality.
And did I say that it looks amazing in person. This
thing is absolutely delicious.

We have priced it at a reasonable $1499 including
the hood scoop.

Please check our website soon for what we are
sure to be a much needed bug screen.

 

"It is currently being tested on several Minis. The numbers should be
out soon, but the butt dyno says: "Wow!". We were unable to install
a temperature probe for our testing. We did however, manage to
suspend a piece of skirt steak right over the filter element and it took a
lot longer to get to room temperature than without the new CAI."


This seems to go against what you are now saying we need to know if this cooks or chills the meat.

 

Could you please comment on the front grille / TFMIC interface. Would there be any trimming/adjusting of the front grille? Seems like it would need just a tad...Other than that, super sleek . Good job maintaining the overall excellent aerodynamic features of the MINI

 

I have a hard-on for that hard-on.

 

When I contacted you about you COLD air induction system, all I got was a lot of Hot air from someone called Trixie, Dixie or something...

 

Goaljnky,

Thanks for placement at the top of the Pre-Order list!

How much additional horse power can I expect from the, "complimentary vinyl with our company logo" & will these gains be equal or more then the product itself like some of your competitiors & if so can I please get 4 sets of vinyl stickers too ?

 

It cooks the meat, but chills the intake charge.
It is truly an innovative system that no other
vendor is able to offer.

Please call our shop if you have any more questions.
We would love to talk to you in person.

Only minimal modification will be required. All rubber
seals, gaskets, hardware as well as lubricant comes
as part of the kit.

Which is exactly the reason why she is not attending
the Arizona State University.

 

Besides, any engineer will tell you that a lemonade can would cool the incoming air much more than ginger ale, it also compliments steak much better... LMxFA=CA See?

 

We are not prepared to disclose HP figures
at this time. But we did have to use some
of our vinyl when one of our customers
accidentally keyed one of our test cars.
On the drive to the body shop we noticed a
tremendous seat of the pants improvement.

I hope that answers your question.

 

WOW,That's fantastic! If thats the case I'm going to apply a set directly to the "seat of my pants" just think of the gain we can attain with a direct connection.

 

I'm shocked and dismayed; How could you doubt the sincerity of the above posts. With regard to the JCW brake air forced induction system, may I suggest a solution which might benifit all customers who rely on braking for driving safety. I personaly don't use them, (the breaks that is), however do heavily rely on the Mini's horn, this allows me to drive like a madman, without overheating my brakes and provide ample warning to other drivers.

 

Good luck with it. I know you will love it. Please,
keep in mind that the length of adhesion is dependent
upon the size of "seat of your pants". Some minor
adjustments may be required if your have an
after market "seat of the pants". While we tested this
product with a stock "seat of the pant" configuration,
there are many variations out there that would
necessitate adjustment even to the product of such a
fantastic fit and finish as hours.

 

dang, now that's wat im talking about!

 

I believe you will have to to rethink this aspect of your induction and/or exhaust equation, or, at least apply for the legal rights to use this design, as it looks suspiciously like the missing piece from my currently propellorless wind-up balsa wood airplane.

I may even have to ask for further compensation due to stress related excessive groundedness.

I'll have my people contact your people, which may work out for the best because my people adore people named Trixie and Bambi.

Zip

 

You can't threaten us. I have notified the
WinZip and the USPS people regarding your nickname.
I have also notified the Garment Industry Association of
America regarding your last name, which was obviously
chosen to capitalize on an already famous name. That should
keep you busy and away from our coffers which we need
for our extensive R&D projects so we can continue to
bring our fine products to the Mini community.

 

Bambi! Now who the heck is she, I never got to talk to a Bambi... Maybe she could resolve my issues.

 

well you got me listening, im muy interesado

 

In Bambi? Or Trixie? Or, heaven forbid, both????

 

I don't know why you guys are having problems with Customer Support, I called to ask about the exciting new product on the horizon. and I had a nice conversation with a customer suport agent named Bambi.

Oh and she gave me a family recipe for smoked venison, that I can't wait to try.