OK, it's more like 17, but you get the picture. To all you noobs out there - here's several months of wisdom for you:

• Thou shall have no other car before Mini; the Mini shall not be criticized, nor shall others be praised above thee (you may, however, get a pass if it is an M-series).
• All Mini flaws shall be referred to as adding Character or Personality lacking in other lesser cars (yes, this includes things such as rust and cracked windshields).
• Thou shall remember the Zaino, Redline, and Alta and keep them holy (you may include peanut oil here as well)
• Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s mods (wife and house are OK though)
• All Butt-Dyno measurements posted shall be certified with double-blind photo evidence of proper calibration or you shall be flamed as a false witness.
• The superiority of the CAI or HAI is unsurpassed, except by the Stock unit.
• Remember that all mods shall immediately void the Mini warranty (yes, this includes changing your oil or air filter).
• You shall recognize that CR/W is the greatest among equals (those with stripes shall be held in even higher regard).
• Thou shall honor all other Mini drivers with a wave (except for CR/W, which thou must salute accordingly – see above)
• All shall recognize that Minis with bonnet stripes are faster than those without (it has been proven aerodynamically); those with stripes that extend to the roof or boot gain an additional 10th of a second in all speed trials (this does not apply if the owner uses the terms “hood” or “hatch”).
• Remember that all discussions of performance mods shall devolve into tedious, pedantic drivel inversely proportional to the significance of the matter under scrutiny.
• Thou shall not trust as objective any NAM poster with over 1,000 posts, their fan-boy bona-fides having been thusly demonstrated.
• Anyone claiming to get 25mpg or better in their MCS shall be found guilty of underutilization and not deserving of the word “enthusiast”.
• Any SA providing superior customer service or otherwise demonstrating above average Mini knowledge shall be summarily dismissed or transferred from their position within 3 months.
• All 6-speed manual drivers shall be recognized for their masculinity, while all MCSa drivers shall be recognized for their superior intelligence.
• All deficiencies that the Mini exhibits in performance are trumped with a reference to the “twisties”.
• Remember that anyone posting questions that have previously been addressed shall be quickly responded to by NAM posters who feel their time is so valuable that they spend it trolling for opportunities to tell people not to waste their time.

Those found guilty of violating these tenets shall find themselves visited upon by swirls, chips, dings, leaks, cracks, rattles, buzzes, stumbles, yo-yos, gurgles, mushrooms, and brownish liquid discharge.

 

Thou shalt learn the difference between tenets and tenants. I tried violating my tenants once; they called the cops.

 

[*]You shall recognize that CR/W is the greatest among equals (those with stripes shall be held in even higher regard).
[*]Thou shall honor all other Mini drivers with a wave (except for CR/W, which thou must salute accordingly – see above)

AMEN to these two!

 

Thank you - oh wise one - for climbing the mountain and dragging the sacred tablets down for all to gaze upon.

Dang I need the laugh!

 

entertaining words, lol. wouldnt title it 'commandments' since there is no head mini-god out there and cant help wonder, how much of the 'swirls, chips, dings, leaks, cracks, rattles, buzzes, stumbles, yo-yos, gurgles, mushrooms, and brownish liquid discharge, you've gotten so far.

take the log out of your eye first. lol

all just for fun. peace

 

Thanks, I knew my MINI and I were good in the eyes of NAM

 

#18) All postings pointing out minor spelling or grammatical mistakes of others shall be viewed as evidence of small mindedness and ridiculed.

 

That's a lot more than 10...

 

That's pretty funny from someone with 10 posts!

I guess I am a fan-gal!?

 

Now that sounds like fun

 

That was a joke Redhot. Good post.

 

Excellent, creative stuff! Who are you if you can't look at yourself, or your community, and give it a good satirical laugh?

Kudos to redhotchilis.

mb

 

-When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him-

 

Thou shalt not be contrary for the sake of being contrary.

 

Thou shall remember the Zaino, Redline, and Alta and keep them holy (you may include peanut oil here as well)

the only thing holy about alta is the rust holes in their lightbar and air diverter

holy to me would be tce brakes, h-sport, helix, milltek, Detroit tuned, speed star racing,

 

This person has definately been around longer than his (or her) post count would indicate.

 

Stooopid

 

Thou shall not trust as objective any NAM poster with over 1,000 posts, their fan-boy bona-fides having been thusly demonstrated.

So true

 

Thou shalt not refer to posts or those who post as "Stoooopid" with any number of "o"s. If thoust has nothing nice to say, practice silence to earn the respect of thou brethren.

Thou shalt tithe every paycheck to Heather, so that she may shower thee in Monster Fluffies and wonderful bottles of multicolored goo via the yellow and red chariot of DHL.

 

This isn't a commandment, its a Religious tenet. A tradition ... a convenant.

 

Says ye with little posts, welcome to NAM, good sense of humor but unless you change that bit about CR prepare to have you MINI sunk pludered and pillaged for no ship be Greater than The Black Pearl

 

But I don't wanna be a man... How abut "and their femininity" too?

 

"Anyone claiming to get 25mpg or better in their MCS shall be found guilty of underutilization and not deserving of the word “enthusiast”."

Aw man!

But I love my MINI so much. I guess I'm in ways like James May on Top Gear. He does drive agressively, but only so often because he's a gentleman.

The "true" enthusiasts then drive like Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond...with their trousers on fire.

 

Jeremy Clarkson is the Russ Limbaugh of British auto journalists

He just likes to throw the tail end of the car around

 

Holy crap I about wet myself!

as long as they are legal and cute.... it's ok