I've a theory. A suspicion. A hunch. I'm on to something, although I'm not entirely sure of what to do about it, should the truth out itself.

Somewhere in this world there exists a secret cabal of nefarious scientific types. I'm sure it's a located in plain looking building except for the barbed wire and armed guards. Such a place would no-doubt have a shoot-to-kill-on-sight, ask-questions-later policy. Let's just call them the Too Much Fun Authority. TMFA for short.

They are a shadow group. They work in secret. They have to, because if it ever got out, well, I won't even go there. But I'm sure it would be ugly.

These are the minds behind all those insideous things that some have labeled "addictive". Sex, drugs, rock and roll, the "nothing but net" three point basketball shot, and all things MINI.

If you find yourself being irrational about something, doing something not normally in your character, well, I'd say these are the guys behind it. I've no hard evidence, but there are just too many coincidences, too many signs for me to be wrong.

If I had doubts on this theory, my purchase of a MINI, and the subsequent series of bizaare occurences related are just about sealing the deal. To name just a few:

- Women flirt with me when I'm driving the MINI. This has NEVER been an issue. Not in thirty years of motoring.

- Everytime I arrive on my street, just as I'm ready to turn into the driveway, I will instead hit the gas and go around the block, sometimes repeatedly, just to drive the damn thing a little more.

- I used to think about sex every five minutes. Well, I still do that, but I find that I am now thinking about the MINI every five minutes.

- My girlfriend-fiance and I had a heated argument last night about the gender of the car. She says it's a boy. I contend that it has to be a girl (inexplicable, intermitent behavior? Anyone?)

- She took the car over to see her grandparents, and her grandfather, the most straight laced, upright conservative type of man you would never want to meet temporarily lost his mind. He confessed he always wanted one. She let him drive it, and it's a wonder we got it back.

I could go on with this, but really, that Grandpa stuff was the clincher. For a time I was on his list, and not the good one. He was not happy to have me dating his favorite grandaughter, and I was banned from Christmas dinner the first four years we were together. When I finally did go to Christmas on that side of the family, there was a rumor that he was going to spend the whole dinner cleaning a shotgun and giving me the eye. Not the good one, either.

Now he thinks I'm the best thing that ever happend to his family.

Which is kind of like going to see a church deacon at his house and finding out he smokes crack cociane and has a supscription to Playboy.

The most horrifying evidence that there has to be some kind of, well, intelligence behind this phenom is, embarassingly, drawn from my own behavior.

I'm a technical, mad professor type of person. My house is littered with books and projects and other what not. The Garage slash workshop slash laboratory is likewise a testament to a person who just might think too much (the rumor that Jinmny Hoffa is in there somewhere has no basis in reality, btw). I've always been a function over form type. Certainly not one to get all emotional over a machine. Or so I thought.

Oh this is so bad. Such an indictment on myself, but dammit, I've got to tell someone, and this seems to be the best place to confess such darkness.

I'm cleaning out my garage so . . . I can put the MINI in there. Damn you TMFA!!!!

There. I said it. And I do feel a little better.

Even so, this is going to keep me in thearpy for decades . . .

 

Whatever they're putting in that Springfield water, I'd like some. You need to post more often.

 

Who's car is it? If it's yours, it's a girl ... if it's her's, it's a boy! It's that simple, really!

He's absolutely correct. More often so that you can write less per time. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I did, but I have ADD, so I almost ran out of steam reading it.

 

Are you saying that Sir Alec was also a member of the TMFA?!?! That would explain a lot.

Your fiance must be a saint...that would explain a lot, too.

I have a MINI but no women flirt with me....no explanation is necessary.

 

I'm not sure I see a problem here.
-the girlfriend's family now likes you
-women flirt with you
-you'll find the sex thing is a diminishing problem as you grow older
-there is always make-up sex after a heated argument
-you're cleaning out the garage and putting to rest those rumors about Jimmy Hoffa

Forget the therapy thing and let the passion embrace you! We are here for you. (Look on it as group therapy.)

 

That is the funniest post I've read in a long time. In fact, I had to go get my wife & read the whole thing out loud to her. I'm with you on every part of your note, especially the "every 5min about the Mini" comment. Dude, you've got to post more often.

 

Hmmm...what are these things you refer to as "women?" This "flirting" you refer to must be an awful thing to endure. I've done some research on your theory here. I have to say that after rigorous testing I've finally come to the conclusion that neither green beans nor pork chops can be ingested via the armpits. I will continue research and keep you posted on any developments. If I have time, I'll look into this "flirting" problem you seem to be having as well.

 

I drink to this post!

 

THAT.... was art

bravo and agreement

 

In my time Monty Python would have really run with a skit like that. Excellent!

 

Have you taken your meds today?

 

Welcome bfdl. After that post I'm wondering if that might stand for bigf***ingdeal...umm, I mean in the most positive sense of that moniker, because you summed up man/mini love well. I laughed, I cried, and that post tugged at every emotion we, the mini owner family had to date been unable to put into words. You the Big Deal and should write more.

To that end, I will try to taunt you into it. As I write this you have only 5 posts. Granted this one merits an honorary 10 posts, but that still leaves you in neutral. That's just sad. (switch to voice of abusive h.s. football coach) You know what? I think you spent it all on that post. You're not up to making it to the elite 6 gear club. No chance you'll ever see inside the 6th Gear lounge and have the chance to sip the fine wine with the glitterati of NAM. No never will you earn enought posts to share your own personal jacuzzi with the many Hollywood beauties doing their groupie dances for the attention of the 6thGear pack. Nope, you'll never cut the mustard, make the show, be among the few the proud , the mega posters. No racing green beret for you. Or maybe...just maybe... not likely... but maybe you'll prove me wrong.

 

personally, I saw befuddle when I looked at his name. And after that post it seems to fit!

Good read

 

yes..I drove!

 

Hey, I like that!!!!

 

It's cuz you are one . . .

 

Let us know when Grandpa gets his own MINI.

 

Exactly my thought.

Get your daily MINI fix... go motoring.

Be happy the MINI gets decent mpgs too.

What more can you ask for?

Hey the OP is up to 5 posts, doing well!

Remember, always always always keep your MINI clean.
A clean MINI is a happy MINI and a happy MINI makes you happy.

 

I feel you 100% on this!

I went to Zumies (edgy clothing store in the mall near me... I love the sharply contrasting clothes they have, Volcom in particular) and was just checking out some shoes. A cute little skater chick then proceeded to come up and talk to me about the shoes.

The first thing I just spit out was that I was trying to match my possible new selection to my car... a MINI.

She ended up sitting in a chair next to me talking about how it was "pretty gay" of me to match my shoes to my car. I told her it was anything but that, and that it was awesome and perhaps she'd understand after she saw me rockin' that pair of black and white Adio's with the blue accent (would perfectly match my JB/W MCS... especially I end up actually doing the G2 Blue Brake Caliper paint I bought months ago) And that I was "pretty crazy, but I like you..." as she walked away.

I could say that my MINI changed my life, and for the better too. I can see you feel the same way for yourself too, chief!