Waiting for someone to actually start talking chili maybe? stsssss

 

You expect us to actually "talk Chili"???? What and give away any trade secrets I've got to my competition????

Hmmmm....maybe some reverse psychology will work. I think I'll make a real mild, whimy batch of chili ----oh, wait....if I do that I could have some real competition at bottom of the barrel.....

Nope, sorry --- gotta stick with the good stuff I normaly make.

Hugs,
PB

 

Talk dirty to me Mini beast, bring it on!!!
Chili powder , chilis, garlic, cummin, beef, pork, onyon, whisper in my ear , what you got big boy, bring it on, but be prepared to get spanked!

 

The following is a popular story that has been circulating on the web in different versions. I do not know the original author, but it's funny stuff if you haven't heard it. Pass it on, Jake


Notes: From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from Western New York:



Recently Frank was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, mainly because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and Frank happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. He was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told him that he could have free beer during the tasting, so Frank accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:
*





Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili



JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.



JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.



FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*





Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili



JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.



JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.



FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.
*





Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili



JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.



JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.



FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced.
*





Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic



JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.



JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.



FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. ***** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.
*





Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover



JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.



JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.



FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
*





Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety



JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.



JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.



FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that **** Sally. I need to wipe my *** with a snow cone!
*





Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili



JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.



JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.



FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
*





Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili



JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.



JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yankee.



FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable To report)
*

 

You are disqualified due to infringement of the lewdness rules!

 

I'd prefer "Clo's Chili Con Carnal!"


Clover

 

I can see now I'll need to add an ice cream machine to my list of kitchen items to help the judges move on to the next chili!

But then again, might be fun to just watch them suffer.

Spank me all you want. I've already been done by the best! But you're missing a few ingredients there don't ya think?

 

You think he should add things like meat, beans, tomatoes???? Shhhh -- don't tell him ---- he'll just bring a pot of seasonings and while it will smeel good, there will be no body to it!!!!

Frankly, I'm going for the exotic ingredients --- I think eyeballs add a lovely flavor without overwhelming the chili essence.

Heehee,

Hugs,
PB

 

Been have a heck of a time reaching my Texas buds to pick up some rattler meat!

 

Um.....doesn't rattler taste like chicken? Why not gator chili!? MMMM!!! Swamp gas! EWWWWWWW! Tee hee!


Clover

 

Naw...You can never tell what them gators have been eating.

 

Like *I* wanna eat what a rattlesnake ate last night?????? You prefer digested rat over digested poodle???

HUH,
PB

 

Glad I'm not a judge

BTW, where are the rest of the Chili chefs, why haven't you stepped up, Heck with just these amatuers to contend with, I'll prolly win all categories

 

 

Sorry about the size of the pic.

There is only one type of beer for this event:




Cheers,
Jack

 

This may have been posted earlier but does anyone know the "rules" for the Chile Cook Off??

I've entered but don't want to hurt anyone with my chile

TIA

Sam

 

But I do!

 

The rules say no beans are allowed . I make killer chili but unless you are serving it on hotdogs chili is supposed to have BEANS!!! Chili is not chili without the beans.

 

Whar's the rules??? My chili got beans, that's how you get rid of all the hot stuff, blower in reverse so to speak

 

No rules is good rules to me!

 

Those official rules posted earlier say no fillers such as beans., corn strach etc...

 

Whar, whar are the rules??? posted, ????? give us a link, If they aren't allowing fillers such as beans and hairballs,, then whut good is it?

 

To my knowledge no official rules have been posted for this event. If you have a link or can point us to where you are finding this information -- I'd REALLY like to know.

Hugs,
PB

 

Post #17 had a link to rules. Hopefully those are rules for another Chili cook-off not for this one.

 

Those are the CASI official rules. But there's been no word on wether or not these are the rules in effect or not...