Wifey and I have decided that the marriage isn't working after 10 years and are currently splitting things up for the divorce. I felt it was a good idea that she take the Clubman because it is small, reliable, and safe for our children when she has them. She jumped at the opportunity because she absolutely loves the car. I told her I will still maintain it for her (I do my own oil changes and K&N cleanings).

I will have another one someday, but for now, I'm "Mini-less".

I will still continue to linger here and learn so when she comes to me with issues, I might have answers and advice that I've learned here. I have learned alot from this site since we picked up the Clubby a year ago.

Thanks to all of you. I'm now off to stand in the shadows and observe and continue to learn from this site.

 

So sorry to hear. Wishing that all goes as well as can be expected and hope to see you motoring again soon.

 

good luck to you.

 

Sad to hear that your marriage could not be saved. I really pity the kids in these situations because they are the ones than end up paying the highest price of a divorce.

No a blimer of hope left between the 2 of you?

 

Raceface, I'm very sorry to read this. I wish you all the best.

Regarding the MINI, that's the least of it.

 

Ahh, but sometimes the affects are much worse on children when the parents stay together for the "sake of the children".
RaceFace, good luck to you, and to your family. It's good to know that you were thinking of them when you decided to give up the car for them. What a noble, and selfless thing to do!

 

sorry abt yr marriage and best wishes to you... u r welcome anytime here

 

Just continue to be a good father and the kids will do fine. Dan

 

aw this is sad. but it shows you're a good man to give up your car to her. i hope everything works out for you

 

Your demeanor certainly comes out in the post. I am sure this is a difficult time in your life but your willingness to be decent is to be commended. When my ex and I went through a divorce we used one attorney as a mediator and each of us denied the opportunity to receive things that were our "right" to have but didnt seem correct in our opinion. We put our kids first and continued to parent with a cohesive voice. In fact, we still maintain some traditions like a Christmas Eve dinner comprised of her relatives and mine and I still go to my ex's house on Christmas morning to celebrate the day. My kids have never known a Christmas where both parents havent been in the room. I asked my daughter one time if she liked it that her parents got along so well. She said no, she cant get away with anything! Of course the same kid told me last year that on Christmas Eve she realized how lucky she was that relatives from both sides of the family could spend time together and everyone got along with no drama.

Having been there I am sure this is very difficult for you. Keep your chin up, things will get better with time.

 

I respect what you have written and will acknowledge that much of the time you are correct. But it is possible to avoid having the kids pay the highest price. It takes a lot of work, the right attitude and a willingness to put the kids first. But it is possible!

 

Hang in there. Very big of you to give up the Clubman and keep connected with the Clubman/MINI world to help support your ex/children/Clubman when needed. Clearly you have support with this group here .

 

Aww, raceface, I just read your post and I am so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. Sending best wishes to you and your family, hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

 

Thank you for all the wishes. It is a tough time right now especially since she just moved out a week ago. My boys are 6 and 9 and they have never witnessed any fighting between us but I am in absolute belief that you don't stay together for the children. My parents did that and I think it made it worse. My oldest seemed to be hit hard with her leaving. We have talked and talked and I want to keep him talking and asking questions. I will never badmouth their mom to them even though I do not agree with the lifestyle she has all of a sudden chosen. Hes a sweet boy and I'm pretty sure I got him over the hump. They are very strong emotionally and they will be fine. I have the children on the top of my list as far as priorities and fortunately my wife has recently discovered thats where they need to be on her list too. Hopefully her list will remain that way. We have tried to put a fun spin on the whole thing as far as "change is good" and the "2 places to live, 2 birthdays, 2 xmas's....etc. We are trying to remain friends to show the boys that it can still happen....I think thats the second hardest part. The worst 2 days of my life were first telling the boys we were getting a divorce and second, having to tell the boys that mom is all of a sudden moving out and wont be there when we get home.

Thanks again to all of you. Youre the best.

 

i wish it did not have to be this way for both you and your boys. but .... i am really impressed with your decisions. i know you will weather this storm with both diginity and grace. I am glad you will be still haunting this site. You should apply for some tarp money so you can get another mini. With the billions and billions given out even mcdonalds can not brag that much. so apply and let us all know how many millions you received. (just kidding). ... hope you win the power ball this weekend

 

I'm sorry to read this here. It's always hard on the children. Hang in there!
Even you are mini-"less", you are still a mini spirit! Hope you will get another mini soon~

 

Your story kinda breaks my heart, but I respect everything you've done and your rationale for doing so. I hope the best for all of you. It's a crazy-*** world to try to navigate these days but it sounds like you and your wife are setting a great example for your kids, despite the difficulties. Best of luck to you all.

 

Raceface, Very tough road you are on now. You have to be there for your children and your actions, coupled with your words, are the most important thing from their perspective in the months ahead. You can teach them alot about life with how you deal with this circunstance; hang in there and know that if you need some backup these great folks in NAM-land can help. As a cancer survivor, I know that adversity, while difficult, forges character, puts things in perspective, and ultimatley your family will be stronger for having gone through this. My heart and sympathy goes out to you.

 

Thanks everyone. I have read every post and taken alot of it to heart. Its a tough time right now and I appreciate each and every one of you that took the time to give me sincere advice. Sitting here in this house alone (boys are with their mom this week) is tough. For the last 8 years I have heard children in this house. The silence is tough. Thanks again.

You guys are the best!

 

Hang in there!

 

RaceFace, my wife of 10+ years are also having trouble. It's difficult to know which direction to go when you have kids. There are definitely pros to each outcome.

I wish you the very best. As for my Mini, my wife couldn't care less about cars, so I'm good there!

 

I really disagree with this. Parents who choose to stay together for the sake of their children at least have their priorities in order. They put the children first. How many parents do you know that actually put their kids before themselves? I wish more parents would put their kids first. I think our world would be a much less scary place if they did.

What if the next guy is WAY worse than Dad? What if the next guy is physically abusive? What if he's a serial killer? Do the kids really need to watch their mother or father go through that sort of heck when they could have stayed in an unhappy, but SAFE relationship with someone who loves the kids unconditionally?

Children deserve so much more from their parents than being drug through the dating scene.

Raceface, I'm sad your marriage isn't working. I'm sure you and the wife will do what's best for your kids and I did not mean to imply that you weren't. Clearly you're making the effort to put them first by thinking of their safety and putting their needs before your own and that, my friend, takes guts. Good for you.

 

I really disagree with your post. Raceface seems like he has all his priorities in order and is a good father. You can tell simply by reading the posts, you can feel the emotion in them. He has mentioned that the parents don't fight in front of the kids, thats enough right there.

I'm only 25 and my parents split up when i was 5. To this day i can still remember how it was when they were together. Im thankful on a daily basis that they went ahead and ended it. They were married for 13 years at the time. I've lived with my father since i was 6.

Bottom line... putting your kids first, does not mean sticking out a married that simply does not work.

I will say, i swear on my life that i will only get married 1 time. My father has been married and divorced 3 times. That gets expensive. I currently live with my gf of 5 years. Her parents are high school sweet hearts and were married by the time they were 18. Needless to say, she's not to happy i want to wait. She doesn't know i'm saving for a ring.

Thats just the reality of it though, things hit home. Its impossible to know how the person will react. Oh, and i'm also a believer that "stay together for the kids" is the highest cause of infidelity, domestic violence, etc.

 

Leakslikasieve - I couldn't agree more. My parents 'stayed togethered' for the kids and what a freakin' disaster! Even as a kid in junior high I would ask them why they didn't just go their separate ways! Even now - we all ask! Children are extremely perceptive and pick up on things, even when we adults think we've hidden it well. I personally think staying together for the kids is truly modeling how NOT to have a healthy marriage/adult relationship...I certainly learned how i didn't want my marriage to be from watching my parents! To each her own!

 

I think this threat proves how much of a community and family we all are. This is supposed to be a forum all about mini coopers and everything to do about them. Well one of our fellow MINI owners is going through a tough time and we are all there to support him. It makes em very happy.

As for the stay together for the kids remake. I think at times my parents stayed together for me and my little sister. I think they used that to push through many problems they were having. Now they are fine. I know a few friends that have parents that did the same thing and it didn't work at all.


Raceface, i hope everythign works out as best it can.