Thanks. to me it's really nothing special...i was just raised that way
and 2nd nature. i also included respect one anothers "values" as well
above because it is also very important.

 

I feel kind of sad for the ppl in second marriages who feel the need to separate their money. But I do understand, once burnt ... twice shy.

Bad example. If everything is "ours" she will know the worth of the gold is more than $20. But I DO agree, its all about respect.

I'm sorry but I find that very sad. I believe a strong marriage is based upon a strong foundation of mutual respect, like Rawhyde mentioned ... respect. I do no think its respectful to never show your spouse your credit cars. This tell me its not "our" money buy "my" money. There is no "my" money in a partnership. Sorry

As to the stereo:impatient Oh please, My wife gets in the truck, moves the seat, then I have to move the seat, the mirrors, take out her CD. So what? That take a little bit of effort???sad: I get in the little car and have to move the seat and everything else ... so what?

Subs are good!

But that is exactly the point. I'm willing to bet that the Majority of people who have his and her cars have separate money and that marriage "could" be setup to fail because the money is already separate. Not saying it is ... but it sets it up.

Wow. I dont know what to say here ...

Since my wife has our $75K porsche on weekdays, if she wanted to smoke in it (I'd be shocked) but so what? Its just a car.

I think there is a fundamental philosophical difference here ...

Cars, any material object, can be replaced. She scraped the bumper ... so what, thats why you buy insurance.

But your relationship is priceless. You cannot put a price on a happy marriage. Respect is what its all about.

It took me a long time to understand some of this. For example, I didn't want to wear my Rolex because "its too fancy, not for everyday use". She wore hers everyday, forever. Why? Because it IS meant to be used ... everyday ... forever. Its just a watch.

Same with the car. I would tend to want to keep the miles down on the Croc. She says BS. The car is meant to be driven HARD, drive all day at 150 on the autobahn ... everyday, so use it or lose it. Its just a car that can be replaced.

But our marriage can never be replaced

Off the soapbox. Everyone is different. Peace. Whatever makes you happy, so be it.

 

Whoo hoo! Think I can talk them down to my price range? It's not nuclear, but that only means less training and crew.
http://www.maritimesales.com/PI12.htm

 

Without going through the posts point by point, I'm in total agreement with chows4us. No material object should be thought of in any terms other than just that; they're objects, replaceable, usable. Marriages on the other hand should be cherished and thought of as totally irreplaceable. After having lost my wife 13 years ago, I still find it hard being without her. Those of you who having loving, lasting relationships are very, very lucky indeed.

 

right on

 

 

You know, I'm inclined to look at this the way Borat did during a recent radio interview. He says that the idea of a woman driving a car is like letting a monkey fly a plane.

Just kidding, but seriously, if you haven't seen Borat yet...go see it!

Chuck

 

The problem here, which you do not see by not going through the posts, are those who are purposely trying to make this a "material thing vs spouse" issue, which it has NEVER been from the beginning. The thread from the start, is about respect, and how you treat belongings of others.

Say for example, you spouse gives away or damages without a care, some sentimentally priceless family heirloom? And their attitude is "lah-dee-dah so what?" Maybe that only photo you have left of you and your late mom/dad got trashed through thoughtlessness? Or maybe they gave away your mom or dad's wedding ring because you never wear it? Are you really not going to be upset?

Those are heavy examples, but I have known such uncaring, unfeeling people. Originally this started with a scratch on the fender plastic. Not a huge loss of course, but the attitude shown after, or no remorse will naturally tick someone off.

 

But you see, this is where the difference points of reference come into play. If you really, truly have a communicative marriage and respect each other, then you BOTH know not to sell the trinket. However, if you HIDE your CREDIT CARD bills from your spouse Then she will sell the trinket.

I asked my wife about the Porsche example and she nearly took my head off. "YOU DO NOT SMOKE in the Porsche".

You see, she knows that. Nobody had to tell her that. She knew ... we talk.

Whenever I read that you "have to teach your wife a lesson", I cringe:impatient I really don't want to go in this direction because its OT from this thread but some would say its one step away from abuse.

 

And I only suggested which marriages sounded more long-term to me, not where I stand on the issue. Each marriage is unique. I think younger couples see marriage in a different light than older folks do. Neither one is "right." They're just different.

I would be very upset if my husband did something that dinged or messed up "my" MINI, but I'd get over it rather quickly and get it repaired. That's just me, well-seasoned after 28 years with the guy.

 

I can't read this without relaying a fantastically ironic story:

I agree with Lastrega - I would never merge my finances with someone, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't care how Leif spends his money (granted we're not married, but my opinions of the dynamic of our relationship would make this an even longer yarn), he doesn't care how I spend mine. I would be entirely flabbergasted if Leif and I got married and he ever expressed an opinion on how I spend my money. Flabbergasted. But I digress...

I was in the process of explaining this to two people and was worked over six ways til sunday with the same OPINION about division of finances being a set up for divorce:
"Oh, I had friends who did that -- they've been divorced for 3 years!"
"What's mine is ours, what's his/hers is ours, that's what marriage is!"
"If you're not ready to combine your lives, you just haven't found the right person!"

Yeah... they were each independantly having affairs.

How you arrange your finances and divide your property within a marriage is just one of those things that varies by couple. Combining finances isn't right or wrong, keeping separate finances isn't right or wrong. In fact, in a couple that would prefer division of assets within the marriage, COMBINING them could do more to "set them up" for divorce -- like so many other things, your mileage may vary. But it's annoying to hear that the way you would personally choose to do something in a completely intimate relationship is "wrong", "sad" or doomed to fail.

 

This thread is bound to go nowhere, like all the others similar to it in the past. LOCKED.