A Brief History Of Complaining About MINI
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4th Gear
Joined: Jul 2012
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From: Memphis
A Brief History Of Complaining About MINI
Sure, they're cute and fun to drive, but they're too small to be practical! This brand will never be more than a tiny niche player. Too bad, it could be cool to see them come up with some new ideas.
Okay, here's the Clubman. It's a little longer and gives you easier access to the rear seats
Ugh, the proportions are all wrong! It's just longer, without adjusting any other dimensions! Not as cute as a MINI should be. And a tiny third suicide door? Really? You're ruining the brand!
Okay, here's the Countyrman. It's a little bigger in every dimension, but still quite small by modern car standards. Also, four doors!
Ugh! That thing is huge! What part of "MINI" do you not understand? You should be making small, sporty cars! You're ruining the brand!
Oh. Well, it's actually about the size of a Golf, but ok. Here's the Coupe. It's the sportiest car we've made and still with great storage behind the front seats.
Ugh. That's just a less useful hatchback. And that backwards baseball cap roof is hideous! You're ruining the brand!
What if we made the roof a retractable soft top? You like old British sports cars, right? It's a cuter coupe, with the added joy of top-down motoring. Or a stiffer cabrio, with a usable trunk instead of backseats
Ugh. Jesus, how many cars do you need to make? This is totally pointless. You're ruining the brand!
You know what? Screw you. Here, have the Paceman. I think we've managed to fit in all the things you hate. Yet another model, two doors, bigger than tiny, spoiler on the trailing edge of the roof... Oh, but we did move the window switches you've been whining about since 2002, so at least you've got that.
YOU MOVED THE WINDOW SWITCHES?!
Okay, here's the Clubman. It's a little longer and gives you easier access to the rear seats
Ugh, the proportions are all wrong! It's just longer, without adjusting any other dimensions! Not as cute as a MINI should be. And a tiny third suicide door? Really? You're ruining the brand!
Okay, here's the Countyrman. It's a little bigger in every dimension, but still quite small by modern car standards. Also, four doors!
Ugh! That thing is huge! What part of "MINI" do you not understand? You should be making small, sporty cars! You're ruining the brand!
Oh. Well, it's actually about the size of a Golf, but ok. Here's the Coupe. It's the sportiest car we've made and still with great storage behind the front seats.
Ugh. That's just a less useful hatchback. And that backwards baseball cap roof is hideous! You're ruining the brand!
What if we made the roof a retractable soft top? You like old British sports cars, right? It's a cuter coupe, with the added joy of top-down motoring. Or a stiffer cabrio, with a usable trunk instead of backseats
Ugh. Jesus, how many cars do you need to make? This is totally pointless. You're ruining the brand!
You know what? Screw you. Here, have the Paceman. I think we've managed to fit in all the things you hate. Yet another model, two doors, bigger than tiny, spoiler on the trailing edge of the roof... Oh, but we did move the window switches you've been whining about since 2002, so at least you've got that.
YOU MOVED THE WINDOW SWITCHES?!
Last edited by St_G; Jun 20, 2013 at 10:48 AM.
OVERDRIVE
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 12,326
Likes: 6
From: PA
But you left out,
"Damn strut towers mushrooming... WTH?!?"
"Cool, the R56s don't mushroom!! But what is all this carbon crap in my engine?!?!"
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4th Gear
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From: Iowa
You know what? Screw you. Here, have the Paceman. I think we've managed to fit in all the things you hate. Yet another model, two doors, bigger than tiny, spoiler on the trailing edge of the roof... Oh, but we did move the window switches you've been whining about since 2002, so at least you've got that.
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