Drivetrain Webb Motorsports (the absence of)...
No Fear Gear
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 921
Likes: 0
From: Golden Central Coast Cali
Originally Posted by Skiploder
Too bad - you know darn well I had you in mind when I posted it.
At least you won't screw up any more barbecues - and I take great comfort in that.
At least you won't screw up any more barbecues - and I take great comfort in that.
Really? You had me in mind? I feel all warm and fuzzy now. Or is it all farm and wuzzy? Doesn't matter.
Any way - you're right, I won't screw up any more BBQs - even though Santa Maria is considered the BBQ capitol of America. We actually have a BBQ museum and hall of fame.
I'll look for your picture there.
6th Gear
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,335
Likes: 0
From: Tucson, AZ
In the immortal words of Will Farrell:
"And the show has reached a new low":
Thanks man, needed that one
"And the show has reached a new low":
Thanks man, needed that one
Originally Posted by Skiploder
My fellow North American Motorists, for the last ten pages of this thread, the entire world has seen for itself the state of our Forum -- and not only is it whiny and snarky - it is strong in petulant indignation. (Applause.)
Tonight we are a forum awakened to danger and called to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to venting, and venting to repetitive posting. Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done. (Applause.)
I thank the NAM Moderators for its leadership at such an important time. All of NAM was touched on the evening of this tragedy to see TonyB and Camelpilot joined together on the steps of this Capitol, singing "God Bless NAM." And you did more than sing; you acted, by posting 10 pages of essentially the same complaint over a period of 20 days.
Speaker Eric Rowland, SpiderX, Majority Leader Caminifan and Senator Mattman, I thank you for your friendship, for your leadership and for your service to our little Car Forum. (Applause.)
And on behalf of the North American Motoring people, I thank the car world for its outpouring of support. NAM will never forget the sounds of our National Anthem (It's Raining Men) playing at Ingolstadt, on the streets of Detroit, and at the Nurburgring.
We will not forget children of Scooby drivers gathering to pray outside our embassy in Tokyo, or the prayers of sympathy offered at the mosque of Thunderhill. We will not forget moments of silence and days of mourning at the P-car and SVT forums. (Applause.)
Once again, we are joined together in a great cause -- so honored the Moderator of Motoring Underground has crossed an ocean to show his unity of purpose with North American Motoring. Thank you for coming, friend. (Applause.)
On July the 1st, enemies of online parts ordering committed an act of war against our Forum. NAM has known wars -- but for the past 4 years, they have been wars on foreign soil, except for one Sunday in 2003 by Coopertino. North American Motorists have known the casualties of war -- but not at the center of a great forum folder on a peaceful morning. North American Motorists have known surprise attacks -- but never before on dozens of innocent modders. All of this was brought upon us in a single day -- and night fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack.
NAMmers have many questions tonight. We are asking: Who attacked our Forum? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated performance modders known as al Webb Motorsports. He is the same pulley installer indicted for not returning call to customers in Tanzania and Kenya, and responsible for ignoring e-mails to New York.
Al Webb Motorsports is to modding what the mafia is to crime. But their goal is not making money; their goal is remaking the world -- and imposing their radical beliefs on people everywhere.
The leadership of al Webb Motorsports has great influence in Colorado and other primitive countries. In Colorado, we see the al Webb Motorsports vision for the world.
And tonight, NAM makes the following demands on the Coloradans: Deliver to Performance Mods: Drivetrain moderators all the leaders of al Webb Motorsports who hide in your land. (Applause.)
Return calls to all foreign nationals, including innocent NAM citizens, you have unjustly ignored. Update foreign journalists, diplomats and aid workers to your vacation plans. Close immediately and permanently every pulley party training camp in the Road Racing folder, and hand over every modder, and every person in their support structure, to appropriate authorities. (Applause)
Give the Performance Mods: Drivetrain moderators full access to pulley party training camps, so we can make sure they are no longer operating.
These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. (Applause.) These backward hicks must act, and act immediately. They will hand over the modders, or they will share in their fate.
I also want to speak tonight directly to about how to not overcook a steak. (Applause)
Many people have a great difficulty in cooking a steak to the proper doneness--either it is too rare, or charred beyond eating.
With you non-dominant hand, turn your hand palm up, fingers relaxed. Place your thumb and index finger together and feel the fleshy part of your hand below your thumb. Feel that...that's RARE. (Applause)
Middle finger to thumb = MEDIUM RARE
Ring finger to thumb = MEDIUM
Pinky to thumb = MEDIUM WELL to WELL DONE
Fellow NAMmers, we'll meet violence with pages of vitriol and repetitive whining -- assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may God grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the NAM community. And not overcook a steak.
God bless NAM.
(Applause)
Tonight we are a forum awakened to danger and called to defend freedom. Our grief has turned to venting, and venting to repetitive posting. Whether we bring our enemies to justice, or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done. (Applause.)
I thank the NAM Moderators for its leadership at such an important time. All of NAM was touched on the evening of this tragedy to see TonyB and Camelpilot joined together on the steps of this Capitol, singing "God Bless NAM." And you did more than sing; you acted, by posting 10 pages of essentially the same complaint over a period of 20 days.
Speaker Eric Rowland, SpiderX, Majority Leader Caminifan and Senator Mattman, I thank you for your friendship, for your leadership and for your service to our little Car Forum. (Applause.)
And on behalf of the North American Motoring people, I thank the car world for its outpouring of support. NAM will never forget the sounds of our National Anthem (It's Raining Men) playing at Ingolstadt, on the streets of Detroit, and at the Nurburgring.
We will not forget children of Scooby drivers gathering to pray outside our embassy in Tokyo, or the prayers of sympathy offered at the mosque of Thunderhill. We will not forget moments of silence and days of mourning at the P-car and SVT forums. (Applause.)
Once again, we are joined together in a great cause -- so honored the Moderator of Motoring Underground has crossed an ocean to show his unity of purpose with North American Motoring. Thank you for coming, friend. (Applause.)
On July the 1st, enemies of online parts ordering committed an act of war against our Forum. NAM has known wars -- but for the past 4 years, they have been wars on foreign soil, except for one Sunday in 2003 by Coopertino. North American Motorists have known the casualties of war -- but not at the center of a great forum folder on a peaceful morning. North American Motorists have known surprise attacks -- but never before on dozens of innocent modders. All of this was brought upon us in a single day -- and night fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack.
NAMmers have many questions tonight. We are asking: Who attacked our Forum? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated performance modders known as al Webb Motorsports. He is the same pulley installer indicted for not returning call to customers in Tanzania and Kenya, and responsible for ignoring e-mails to New York.
Al Webb Motorsports is to modding what the mafia is to crime. But their goal is not making money; their goal is remaking the world -- and imposing their radical beliefs on people everywhere.
The leadership of al Webb Motorsports has great influence in Colorado and other primitive countries. In Colorado, we see the al Webb Motorsports vision for the world.
And tonight, NAM makes the following demands on the Coloradans: Deliver to Performance Mods: Drivetrain moderators all the leaders of al Webb Motorsports who hide in your land. (Applause.)
Return calls to all foreign nationals, including innocent NAM citizens, you have unjustly ignored. Update foreign journalists, diplomats and aid workers to your vacation plans. Close immediately and permanently every pulley party training camp in the Road Racing folder, and hand over every modder, and every person in their support structure, to appropriate authorities. (Applause)
Give the Performance Mods: Drivetrain moderators full access to pulley party training camps, so we can make sure they are no longer operating.
These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. (Applause.) These backward hicks must act, and act immediately. They will hand over the modders, or they will share in their fate.
I also want to speak tonight directly to about how to not overcook a steak. (Applause)
Many people have a great difficulty in cooking a steak to the proper doneness--either it is too rare, or charred beyond eating.
With you non-dominant hand, turn your hand palm up, fingers relaxed. Place your thumb and index finger together and feel the fleshy part of your hand below your thumb. Feel that...that's RARE. (Applause)
Middle finger to thumb = MEDIUM RARE
Ring finger to thumb = MEDIUM
Pinky to thumb = MEDIUM WELL to WELL DONE
Fellow NAMmers, we'll meet violence with pages of vitriol and repetitive whining -- assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may God grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the NAM community. And not overcook a steak.
God bless NAM.
(Applause)
4th Gear
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 532
Likes: 0
From: Fredericksburg, Va
When someone does not honor or stand behind there product and take it back and refund the money spent on a defective item....will be a cold day in hell before WMS sees me or my hard earned money. I am trying to be as nice as possible....
Coordinator :: Minis Under the Arches (Oct 25-28)
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 435
Likes: 0
From: Salt Lake City
Originally Posted by Bugs
i think its funny that since this 'poor service' thread has came up, the vendor announcments on the main page has been filled with 'dont worry, our phones are down, call my cell', or 'away at holidays, but checking email and cell'.
If nothing else comes from this, the rest of the vendors have been scared into bending over backwards and going the extra mile to make a sale for their efforts
If nothing else comes from this, the rest of the vendors have been scared into bending over backwards and going the extra mile to make a sale
for their efforts
5th Gear
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 928
Likes: 0
From: Raleigh, NC
Originally Posted by MINICHEF
just got an email from brian confirming my latest order. they have all been on vacation, as stated, and are busy digging out out of huge backlog, think boston "big dig", give them a break.
Yea... what were you guys thinking? Order from an online store and think it's going to ship within a day or two? Just because 99.5% of the stores out there can do it doesn't mean you're right to expect it from WMS.
Afterall, as we've all heard over and over again, they usually have better things to do than sit in the shop and fill orders.
Honestly though, I blame the customers more than the shop at this point. Their extremely poor response times have been documented for years. Ordering something from WMS that can be purchased elsewhere comes with an implied statement that you're in no hurry whatsoever. If you'd wanted it quick you'd have gone to one of the responsive vendors.
If you're just trying to support WMS because Randy's so great, then suck it up and twiddle your thumbs until the package arrives. For those that truly didn't know what you were getting into... sorry.
Oh, and all you people that feel the need to call and email 50 times to ask questions and check status are just making the problem worse.
Banned
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,328
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by JeffS
Yea... what were you guys thinking? Order from an online store and think it's going to ship within a day or two? Just because 99.5% of the stores out there can do it doesn't mean you're right to expect it from WMS.
Afterall, as we've all heard over and over again, they usually have better things to do than sit in the shop and fill orders.
Honestly though, I blame the customers more than the shop at this point. Their extremely poor response times have been documented for years. Ordering something from WMS that can be purchased elsewhere comes with an implied statement that you're in no hurry whatsoever. If you'd wanted it quick you'd have gone to one of the responsive vendors.
If you're just trying to support WMS because Randy's so great, then suck it up and twiddle your thumbs until the package arrives. For those that truly didn't know what you were getting into... sorry.
Oh, and all you people that feel the need to call and email 50 times to ask questions and check status are just making the problem worse.
Afterall, as we've all heard over and over again, they usually have better things to do than sit in the shop and fill orders.
Honestly though, I blame the customers more than the shop at this point. Their extremely poor response times have been documented for years. Ordering something from WMS that can be purchased elsewhere comes with an implied statement that you're in no hurry whatsoever. If you'd wanted it quick you'd have gone to one of the responsive vendors.
If you're just trying to support WMS because Randy's so great, then suck it up and twiddle your thumbs until the package arrives. For those that truly didn't know what you were getting into... sorry.
Oh, and all you people that feel the need to call and email 50 times to ask questions and check status are just making the problem worse.
Don't ever leave again.
Banned
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,328
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by pberry51mini
Really? You had me in mind? I feel all warm and fuzzy now. Or is it all farm and wuzzy? Doesn't matter.
Any way - you're right, I won't screw up any more BBQs - even though Santa Maria is considered the BBQ capitol of America. We actually have a BBQ museum and hall of fame.
I'll look for your picture there.
Any way - you're right, I won't screw up any more BBQs - even though Santa Maria is considered the BBQ capitol of America. We actually have a BBQ museum and hall of fame.
I'll look for your picture there.
5th Gear
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 638
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by camelpilot
lol, where are the defective parts? The only thing that most resembles a "defective" part is the exhaust issue with K9MINI, which sounds to me is none of our business, and by the sounds of the circumstances is hardly worthy of a defective part reference.
When you put innovative performance parts on your car (from ANY tuner), everyone takes the risk of the POS not working. It's part of the game. Like they say, you gotta pay to play, and if you're going to cry when something doesnt work, this probably isn't the game for you.
Having said that, most of the gripes people have here with WMS is shipping issues.
When you put innovative performance parts on your car (from ANY tuner), everyone takes the risk of the POS not working. It's part of the game. Like they say, you gotta pay to play, and if you're going to cry when something doesnt work, this probably isn't the game for you.
Having said that, most of the gripes people have here with WMS is shipping issues.
I contacted the manufacturer and they said that they'd be happy to send me a warranty replacement (again), but they cannot offer a refund because I didn't order directly from them. However, after two failed examples I just want my money back.
So - I have a part on my car causing failures to adjacent parts, and also annoying the living hell out of me with every damned mile, and the company I purchased it from is not out of business...they're merrily out racing...or on vacation. I hope they're having fun.
5th Gear
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 603
Likes: 1
I was on earlier this afternoon and was looking thru another thread , one which Randy had posted . I happened to notice the little green dot lit up indicating that he was signed in. I was hoping he might address some of the concerns posted in this thread but I see he didn't. Maby he isn't aware of this one?
mark
mark
4th Gear
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 772
Likes: 0
From: Denver, CO
I am beginning to see how hounded movie stars feel...
I realize this may not be diplomatic for me to say, but for some of you to imply either me, Randy, or his family should not take personal time off because your customer service problem has not been attended to, it makes me have second thoughts about this community. I am sorry but family comes before a sale.
I realize your frustrations, and do sympathize. But there are personal issues at play that I can not disclose openly on a forum.
Over the past year, I have seen Randy become more and more jaded about this community, sometimes to the point of questioning why he is in the business. To tell you the truth, the publics support for his racing has been the only reason he has wanted to stay in the game the last couple months.
All I can do is ask for patience at this point.
-Brian
P.S. Sorry for spelling/punctu errors... It is late as you can see.
I realize this may not be diplomatic for me to say, but for some of you to imply either me, Randy, or his family should not take personal time off because your customer service problem has not been attended to, it makes me have second thoughts about this community. I am sorry but family comes before a sale.
I realize your frustrations, and do sympathize. But there are personal issues at play that I can not disclose openly on a forum.
Over the past year, I have seen Randy become more and more jaded about this community, sometimes to the point of questioning why he is in the business. To tell you the truth, the publics support for his racing has been the only reason he has wanted to stay in the game the last couple months.
All I can do is ask for patience at this point.
-Brian
P.S. Sorry for spelling/punctu errors... It is late as you can see.
5th Gear
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 836
Likes: 0
From: Los Angeles
Originally Posted by Brian@WebbMotorsports
I am beginning to see how hounded movie stars feel...
I realize this may not be diplomatic for me to say, but for some of you to imply either me, Randy, or his family should not take personal time off because your customer service problem has not been attended to, it makes me have second thoughts about this community. I am sorry but family comes before a sale.
I realize your frustrations, and do sympathize. But there are personal issues at play that I can not disclose openly on a forum.
Over the past year, I have seen Randy become more and more jaded about this community, sometimes to the point of questioning why he is in the business. To tell you the truth, the publics support for his racing has been the only reason he has wanted to stay in the game the last couple months.
All I can do is ask for patience at this point.
-Brian
P.S. Sorry for spelling/punctu errors... It is late as you can see.
I realize this may not be diplomatic for me to say, but for some of you to imply either me, Randy, or his family should not take personal time off because your customer service problem has not been attended to, it makes me have second thoughts about this community. I am sorry but family comes before a sale.
I realize your frustrations, and do sympathize. But there are personal issues at play that I can not disclose openly on a forum.
Over the past year, I have seen Randy become more and more jaded about this community, sometimes to the point of questioning why he is in the business. To tell you the truth, the publics support for his racing has been the only reason he has wanted to stay in the game the last couple months.
All I can do is ask for patience at this point.
-Brian
P.S. Sorry for spelling/punctu errors... It is late as you can see.
5th Gear
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 638
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by Brian@WebbMotorsports
I realize this may not be diplomatic for me to say, but for some of you to imply either me, Randy, or his family should not take personal time off because your customer service problem has not been attended to, it makes me have second thoughts about this community. I am sorry but family comes before a sale.
User Title's are Silly
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,022
Likes: 0
From: Arvada, Colorado
Originally Posted by Brian@WebbMotorsports
it makes me have second thoughts about this community.
Brian...I think the community is having second thoughts about how you guys have handled their needs, and your availability...as the post above states...having an unmanned office is basically business suicide.
you guys deserve vacation and down time...we all do. But this lack of customer service seems to be a bit excessive and the trend is a long time (years) business practice for WMS. This situation is not new...but this has all been said before
6th Gear
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,196
Likes: 0
From: Hampton, VA
I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something-something I can use
People love it when you lose,
They love dirty laundry
Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I dont have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em all around
We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
Its interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry
Can we film the operation?
Is the head dead yet?
You know, the boys in the newsroom got a
Running bet
Get the widow on the set!
We need dirty laundry
You dont really need to find out whats going on
You dont really want to know just how far its gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre stiff
Kick em all around
Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybodys pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry
We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When its said and done we havent told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry!
Don Henley
Just give me something-something I can use
People love it when you lose,
They love dirty laundry
Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I dont have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em all around
We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
Its interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry
Can we film the operation?
Is the head dead yet?
You know, the boys in the newsroom got a
Running bet
Get the widow on the set!
We need dirty laundry
You dont really need to find out whats going on
You dont really want to know just how far its gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre up
Kick em when theyre down
Kick em when theyre stiff
Kick em all around
Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybodys pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry
We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When its said and done we havent told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry!
Don Henley
5th Gear
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 638
Likes: 0
Originally Posted by lou
Mark - could you share with us what that part and manufacturer might be? Just curious......
Coordinator :: St. Louis MINI Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 570
Likes: 1
From: St. Louis
Brian,
I echo Mark and Larry's statements. When I called/e-mailed for order status, if I would have gotten a message saying that you guys were unavailable, and to check back later, at least I would have known what was going on. Calling the customer service phone# and getting a voicemail full message doesn't inspire confidence in a business.
I am an IT Manager for a large courier company. I handle lots of calls relating to our website. When I am at the track/out of town, I make sure I have a backup person to answer my calls and e-mails, so that our customers always receive great service. A good business doesn't just stop running when people go on vacation.
I regret not being able to support WMS as I have in the past, but I simply need better service than "we're on vacation, call back later". Other vendors can provide that, so I do business with them now.
I echo Mark and Larry's statements. When I called/e-mailed for order status, if I would have gotten a message saying that you guys were unavailable, and to check back later, at least I would have known what was going on. Calling the customer service phone# and getting a voicemail full message doesn't inspire confidence in a business.
I am an IT Manager for a large courier company. I handle lots of calls relating to our website. When I am at the track/out of town, I make sure I have a backup person to answer my calls and e-mails, so that our customers always receive great service. A good business doesn't just stop running when people go on vacation.
I regret not being able to support WMS as I have in the past, but I simply need better service than "we're on vacation, call back later". Other vendors can provide that, so I do business with them now.
Originally Posted by markbradford
Generally, a business will schedule vacations, or other employee absences in a staggered manner so that the ENTIRE business does not just completely shut down for an extended period. That's not just business 101, but common sense.
2nd Gear
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 75
Likes: 0
From: Sammamish WA
I'm no business guru but it seems WMS is caught up in a time/money thing. They need time to do all the details and don't have money to hire personnel. The harder they work the behinder they get. The cycle gets vicious to the point where exhaustion, physical and emotional, sets in. Understanding where racing fits is the hard part for customers. Source of inspiration? R&D? I haven't felt the pain as a customer, I've purchased a few items and no problems. Constructive ideas for WMS from business gurus might help.
Banned
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,328
Likes: 0
I have just visited NAM Headquarters and have received a request from the Queen of NAM (Dave Bunting) to form a tactical operations squad dedicated to investigating and fully exposing WebbGate. Our task will be dangerous and rife with peril as we must enter a backwards land, Colorado, in order to complete our mission.
I speak to you, the North American Motoring people, as a humble public servant. It is an honor to be thus selected to lead our great forum in its time of need - and if anyone says I'm a Webb Fan Boy, my participation in this mission should prove that they are full of crap..
Whilst it is inexpedient to announce the entire team I am to lead, I believe it informative to announce now some of those with especially important roles to play.
TonyB, joins our team because of the reconnaissance skills he learned while serving under my command in Vietnam as a tunnel rat. His job with be to reconnoiter the Webb complex and provide the team with real-time info. He will also be assisting us in growing proper mullets so that we may blend seamlessly in with the natives. He is skilled at the arts of appeasement and single handedly coined the motto of his combat unit – We Don’t Fight and You Can’t Make Us.
Camelpilot, will provide in-mission communications services to NAM headquarters. His ability to repeatedly incite violence and humor in just one forum post should serve us well in the field. He is fluent in over 200 languages and regional dialects, not including several he has made up while intoxicated. He is currently searching for several soup cans and about 2000 miles of string so that the team can stay in contact with Field Ops – located in the SF Bay Area.
Weaveeg will serve as our Chief Provisioning Officer. We feel his ability to stuff a Mini Cooper with over 800 pounds of food and bottled Costco water will keep us amply nourished in this strange and foreign land. His last assignment was providing provisions for the Donner Party on their trek west - he was 64 years old at the time............
Jimz68 aka Jimz68, will serve as my personal body guard. He has proven invaluable in protecting my delicate person in such noted global hotspots as West Oakland and San Ramon. He also will provide photographic documentation of our Mission for my upcoming book – “Naked Came I – Uncovering the Fourth Member of the Axis of Evil aka James Randall Webb.” Look for me on Hannity and Colmes during my fall book tour.
C4 nee Coopers4Uswill be joining our team as our special, secret weapon. While considered a mild-mannered professional by the NAM community, it is a well-kept but thoroughly documented secret that the NAM Government implanted several post-hypnotic suggestions in his cerebral cortex. All I have to do is speak the following phrase – “Mini Coopers are not noted for their reliability” and this man of peace and letters becomes a merciless machine of unmatched fury and killing prowess. Should any of Randy’s henchmen, namely Brian Black or James Franz attempt to stop our mission, I will accuse them, in front of C4, of flooding the Consumer Reports and JD Power surveys against our cars. God have mercy on their souls.
I am sorry that I cannot reveal more of our mission at this time. All I can say is that we hope to liberate your unshipped goods in a timely manner and minimize casualties and collateral damage.
Staff Sergeant Skippy Loder
I speak to you, the North American Motoring people, as a humble public servant. It is an honor to be thus selected to lead our great forum in its time of need - and if anyone says I'm a Webb Fan Boy, my participation in this mission should prove that they are full of crap..
Whilst it is inexpedient to announce the entire team I am to lead, I believe it informative to announce now some of those with especially important roles to play.
TonyB, joins our team because of the reconnaissance skills he learned while serving under my command in Vietnam as a tunnel rat. His job with be to reconnoiter the Webb complex and provide the team with real-time info. He will also be assisting us in growing proper mullets so that we may blend seamlessly in with the natives. He is skilled at the arts of appeasement and single handedly coined the motto of his combat unit – We Don’t Fight and You Can’t Make Us.
Camelpilot, will provide in-mission communications services to NAM headquarters. His ability to repeatedly incite violence and humor in just one forum post should serve us well in the field. He is fluent in over 200 languages and regional dialects, not including several he has made up while intoxicated. He is currently searching for several soup cans and about 2000 miles of string so that the team can stay in contact with Field Ops – located in the SF Bay Area.
Weaveeg will serve as our Chief Provisioning Officer. We feel his ability to stuff a Mini Cooper with over 800 pounds of food and bottled Costco water will keep us amply nourished in this strange and foreign land. His last assignment was providing provisions for the Donner Party on their trek west - he was 64 years old at the time............
Jimz68 aka Jimz68, will serve as my personal body guard. He has proven invaluable in protecting my delicate person in such noted global hotspots as West Oakland and San Ramon. He also will provide photographic documentation of our Mission for my upcoming book – “Naked Came I – Uncovering the Fourth Member of the Axis of Evil aka James Randall Webb.” Look for me on Hannity and Colmes during my fall book tour.
C4 nee Coopers4Uswill be joining our team as our special, secret weapon. While considered a mild-mannered professional by the NAM community, it is a well-kept but thoroughly documented secret that the NAM Government implanted several post-hypnotic suggestions in his cerebral cortex. All I have to do is speak the following phrase – “Mini Coopers are not noted for their reliability” and this man of peace and letters becomes a merciless machine of unmatched fury and killing prowess. Should any of Randy’s henchmen, namely Brian Black or James Franz attempt to stop our mission, I will accuse them, in front of C4, of flooding the Consumer Reports and JD Power surveys against our cars. God have mercy on their souls.
I am sorry that I cannot reveal more of our mission at this time. All I can say is that we hope to liberate your unshipped goods in a timely manner and minimize casualties and collateral damage.
Staff Sergeant Skippy Loder
