Hello everyone. First time caller, long time listener. Got a crazy problem hoping at least one of you can help me figure out!!

My car:
2007 Mini Cooper S hardtop, R56 (N14) 110,000 miles
Symptoms:
1. Crank, NO START
2. Fuel pump does NOT prime when ignition is turned on
3. Fuel pump does NOT run when cranking engine.
4. Fuel pump DOES work when 12V is applied directly to pump
5. Wire connector at fuel pump shows good ground (brown wire) but no power (blue/white wire) when key is in the ON position
6. Tested continuity of blue/white power wire from panel to pump- it's a good wire
7. Fuel pump runs when 12V applied directly to blue/white wire at JBE
8. Tested K96 relay- all good
9. Tested all fuses- all good
10. Tested for power & ground at K96 socket at JBE, all good
11. Tested main DME relay (K6300) - all good
12. Tested for power & ground at DME relay (K6300) socket at JBE, all good
13. Replaced JBE with used JBE bought off Ebay (seller said it was good working JBE). My JBE had water damage.
14. New JBE seems to work (everything in the car powers up like it should except fuel pump)
15. Replaced camshaft sensor & crankshaft sensor
16. Replaced plugs & coils, changed oil & filter, new valve cover gasket
17. Opened up valve cover- no obvious timing chain issues
18. Sprayed starter fluid into air intake to force car to start but still won't start. Cranks but no start.

The fuel pump NEVER primes when the key is on and I don't get any voltage on the blue/white power wire at the fuel pump connector. But, I know the wire works, I know the fuel pump works, I know the relay works, and I can send power to the pump from the wire at the JBE and it works. I even tried starting the car while manually running the fuel pump, but still no go.

Here's the weird part. AFTER I try to start the car and nothing happens, I stop cranking the engine, then whadya' know, THEN the fuel pump decides to come on!! This is about 5-7 seconds after I stop trying to start the car. The pump runs for about a full second and then stops. It's the craziest thing! I have repeated this over a dozen times. I put the multimeter on the connector and sure enough, it shows 12volts for about 1 full second each time. It's almost as if it's getting its signals reversed!! It doesn't come on when it's supposed to, it comes on afterward, when I don't need it!!

This leads me to believe I've got a faulty ECU sending mixed signals to the relay. Could it be anything else? What do you think-have you seen this before? You guys are the experts so I thought I'd ask you. I will say that the car had been sitting outside for a good 2 years in wet conditions and water leaked into the car. I bought it from the owners who gave up trying to fix it.