Actually, its the Toyota forums. THEY are SO boring I cant read them anymore. All they complain about is all the PROBLEMS!!!! Cupholders suck ... Seat belt beeper too loud. Bunch of whiners

And more than that, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery ... I LOVE your new SIG

 

WOW, such a response. You guys rock. Your right, I can't leave NAM,
this is a great forum. My car before this was a Acura TL and most
of them on that forum seem like tools.

I traded it in on a 04 Saab 9-3 Aero. It's a different kind car but it's
a pretty sweet ride. 210hp turbo. All black w/ground effects,
nice 17s and tires, very tinted windows. It's stealthy looking. I'm already
trying to fiqure out how to tighten the handling which is dame good
(and has a 25mm rear sway )
but not as tight as my MINI. (That saga latter)

If you guys want the story read on.

I got rid of the car for mainly one reason (and I hate to do this)
my wife. She utterly hated my MINI from day one.
So after a year of her crapping on it I threw in the towel.

She would just go on about how small the back of the car was
and that when the kids are in it there's only approx 6 inches
from the back of their heads to the hatch glass. And if someone
feels something is unsafe you can't change their minds.

Ya I did a ton of safety research before I got but she didn't care
it just how she felt. I have to admit it still is inconclusive on what
happens to a MINI in a rear or back side collisoin.
I even asked mysales reps and techs and my techs knew their sh**
but no one could give me an answer.

I always felt safe it. But it was tight with me and the kids.
I'm a big 5'11, not fat but bigger then average. I sit with the seat
pretty much touching the back seat so my 5yr old who's the
smaller of my 2 kids sat behind me would have to sit with his feet up
& crossed leg. And that's really not good. The problem with kids vs.
adults is the length of their legs. Their feet dangle, as with adults
or teens their feet can fit under the front seats.

And a few times more recently I've been taking more then a second
person with me and it wasn't comfortable in the car.

I hate that I needed to do it. But at times you gotta take one for the team.
One day I hope after this new ride is paid for, I should be getting close
to my mid-life crisis and daddy is going to need a toy.

Until then I'll just have to hang out and live it through NAM.

 

Studog, what I am going to tell you is going to sound a little harsh but take it as a good piece of advise.....

All women tend to exhibit various degrees of "control" in their relationships with men. Some more than others. I think a successful marriage has to have a balance somewhere in between. My wife is definetely one of those controlling types but when it comes to my car choice, she is smart enough to know not to cross that line. You can tell me what electronic gadgets I can have or can't have, etc but you can't take away from me the car I choose to drive. Likewise, I excercise the same degree of respect towards the things she truly likes and for which I may or may not feel so hot about either. It is a common understanding that we both work, save our money but also spend it on the things we like without getting on each other's throats, save cases where I decide to buy a car that is more expensive that our own home, LOL!

But seriously Studog, you are one big WUSS! Your wife already knows very well your "hot buttons" and she seems not to have a problem to unleash her psychological warfare when it comes to the things you seem to enjoy and for whatever reason she feels is threating to her and the well being of her family. I can assure you, that this situation will continue every time you pick a car that is not suited to her "tastes" or what she perceives as "sensible" and good for the her and the kids.

Face it Studog, you are one unhappy man at this hour. You gave up your MINI against your own will, just to shut her up. I feel for you man, she must had be driving you insane with all her whining...ugh!

You my friend have problems in your marriage that run skin deep. Not just because you had to give up a material possession to bring back the "harmony" between the 2 of you, but because only 1 person in the relationship dictates and imposes her will and desires, regardless of what you think. The worst thing that can happen to a person in a married relationship is to be unhappy and to feel bullied and controlled. Unhappiness is fertile ground for many problems that can creep up at different times in your relationship. I am sure you love your wife dearly, but don't confuse that love with giving in everything for the sake of pace and harmony. There is a hint of unfairness to her bickering that simply has you put down and unable to stand your ground.

I highly recommend Studog, for you guys to seek marriage counseling help. next car purchase will have the 2 of you atthe brink of divorce, seriously! Money matters usually play a big part in broken up marriages. Pay attention to the signs and don't let things get out of hand.

My wife understands this very well. When it comes to my car choice she tells me "You can have whatever you want" and even if she might not be thrilled about it, she respects and cherish my choice because she knows that car there in the driveway and that level of understanding makes me happy. Conversely if my wife gets something that makes it happy, I am all over it even if it is something that doesn't really get me going.

I think your wife gives 2 hoots about whether you are happy or not. She lays out the rule of law and the terms of what constitutes happiness and what is allowed and not allowed. But, where does that leave you? You need TWO to TANGO. A Marriage is not a control/dominance contest but a relationship in which 2 people give and 2 people receive.

You are here because you miss your car and wish you could get it back. Like I said, seek professional help, because you going to go through this bickering hell the next time you purchase another car that is not in tune with what the missus wants.

A man has to have its toys. Some women don't like that, but that is the truth. Go and talk to her, giver her a hug and a kiss, show her your love but also tell her that you are deeply hurt because you had to give up your favorite car and you don't believe that was a fair compromise. If that doesn't work my friend, time to seek outside help.

Hope everything works out for you. Stand your ground and hopefully, you'll be motoring again, sooner than you think it will be possible!

 

Family does comes first and you might get another Mini later in your life, but you don't have to leave NAM!! ... stick around and share the love for MINI

 

That was totally uncalled for.

YOU ... have NO IDEA how his marriage works ...
YOU ... are just an observer passing judgement from a few sentences.

Pleasing one's WIFE should be #1 abover EVERYTHING else.
Cars come and goes. Toys come and goes .... but a WIFE ... and family ... is priceless.

Studog, dude. You are not a Wuss.

YOU are a MAN and acted how a MAN acts

 

If you have a problem, I suggest sending me a PM and we'll discuss it there.

 

There was no need to call the guy a wuss ... thats my point.

Take a look here https://www.northamericanmotoring.co...0&postcount=51

 

As a former owner ('03 MCS, yeah I still drop in here occasionally) I can say I never felt comfortable or completely responsible putting my kids in the MINI.
But not just that car. I've owned other small cars I wouldn't want to put them in either. It's just physics. Air bags and accident avoidance capabilities
help, but mass and large crush zones can't be replaced when it really matters. A MINI is pretty safe FOR A SMALL CAR. But if safety really matters to you it doesn't rank high. I'm not questioning anyones judgement -you can do the research. For the record I bought 2 Volvos. An XC90 (arguably the SAFEST vehicle you can own) and a V70. I'll buy another fun car in the near future for my own entertainment but not for family transport.

 

Very well put chows.

 

C4 has brought to light a series of excellent points. Every marriage has to have boundaries. One of those boundaries is that whomever has 100% of the p@ssy, does not make 100% of the rules. I love and respect my wife, and it's a 2-way street with us.
There are things she enjoys in life and I don't get in the way of her enjoyment of those things. I enjoy my cars, motorcycles, and boats. Even with regard to my motorcycle which she will not get NEAR, she's very respectful of not only my right to own it (because I pay for it), but she's respectful of my right to ENJOY it.

The problem our dear friend has who just sold his MINI is precisely what C4 points to. Put a different way, he doesn't have the respect from his wife that he should have.

I understand that he is trying to be a man about it. That's a good point, and to look after his kids...even a better point. HOWEVER, my feeling is that if his wife wasn't wearing his a$$ out every time he came or went in the MINI, then he'd still have it and he'd have been enjoying it.

The real problem will be when she starts (as she probably already has) using this power to coerce everything in the relationship.

Now, chows4us, you may think I'm stupid, but I can tell you this. I've been very happily married for 21 years and I know a think or two about what it takes to have a successful marriage. Among the first items on that list is respect and in this case, the lady (I'll call her that, because I'm a gentleman) has no respect for her man.

Cheers to all my MINI friends. I hope this proves to be a learning experience and that our dearly departed MINI will be back again very soon...this time with the whole F-ing JCW KIT!!!! Hahahaha!

POWER to the MINI's!

 

yeah, well the BMW forums aren't exactly a kick in the pants either (the word fuddy-duddy comes to mind )

 

Studog, you are a WUSS. One thing women appreciate is a man who can take control. Let a woman control you and she'll have no respect for you. Just think about it flipped. If she gave you some leg everytime you wanted it and let you "control" your supply of that commodity, do you think you'd respect her? No. It's the same thing in your situation.
I know this sounds harsh, but you do need to grow some "goneys"...
We're right behind you though dude. We all have lessons in life to learn.
Part of being a friend to people is telling them. Drive the Saab or whatever it is for a year. Let it give you a chance to build your stamina a bit and then go buy a MINI or a PORSCHE or a VETTE or whatever you want because it's what YOU want.
We'll still be right behind you.

 

+1 to C4/jq77. Tough love.

If she doesn't like the MINI, then take her car with the two/four of you. At least it's yours other times.

 

Best wishes with the family, Studog. Stepping up and deciding to put family first means you'll be able to look in the mirror the future and have respect for the face returning your gaze.

Doing what's fun pays off now, but doing what's right is what makes for sound sleep at night.

The way I see it, in no more than 15 years, you'll need a MINI again, in your role as driving instructor. The smaller the car, the easier it is to pass the parallel parking portion of the driver's license test.

 

The OP wrote:

She utterly hated my MINI from day one. ... She would just go on about how small the back of the car was and that when the kids are in it there's only approx 6 inches ... from the back of their heads to the hatch glass. And if someone feels something is unsafe you can't change their minds.

This reads to me they had one car. I read nothing in his post about having other vehicles for his wife. She took her kids in it. She feels unsafe for her children and he acts on that and you want to turn it into a husband/wife power struggle?

So you call HIM a wuss? No, I dont think your stupid ... I just think this whole characterization of someone's elses marriage resulting in people calling him a Wuss is sad ...

and IB4TL

How about a little "respect" for the OP?

 

oh and you're a mental health care professional, and therefore can make this judgement? And generalising about women is a huge no-no...you'd know that if you were a professional. Stu made a decision based on what's best for him and only him. You have zero right to judge him for that.

 

Maybe I'm way off base. That's entirely possible. I do believe that they have 2 cars though because the references he makes to the car are always "my car" and not "our car". I'd be interested to know now if there are 2 cars.

Also, this wasn't presented to us as a compromise between what he and his wife wanted with reference to the "family car", but just her railroading him into parting with "his" MINI.

Chows, I read your what was on the link you provided, in your initial comments about this subject. I think the way a man goes about having s@x with a woman has nothing to do with one poor pitiful brother who's being run over by an overbearing, over-controlling woman.

I'm all for being politically correct and all, but I have to say that more and more I see men cowering to overpowering and controlling women and whining about it to the other guys. The women don't respect the men and for obvious reasons they shouldn't.

I'm not a man of the 40's or 50's. They were more likely to control their wives. Neither am I a man of the 80's or the 90's who seem to be afraid of their wives (thank JESUS). What I am is a product of the 60's who totally respects and loves my wife. I treat her like an equal partner and that's the way she treats me. I don't run over her and she doesn't run over me.

By the way, I did run this subject by my wife to see what her opinion was. She totally sides with C4 and myself. Now, if this is all about the word "WUSS", then I'll apologize for being politically incorrect for using the word. Nonetheless, with absence of the word, the answer is still the same.

Grow some goneys my friends.

POWER to the MINI's and POWER to the MEEK 80's and 90's namby pamby guys with no goneys.

 

First off...

I stand by my comments.

I don't think anything I posted prior was improper nor with the intention to put down or insult Studog. I admit "Wuss" is a pretty strong word, but I used it as a shocker to drive my point home and to make Stu realize that he was clearly bullied into giving up his car by the apparent never ending bickering of his wife.

Anyone is most certainly free to agree or disagree with my position. However, I take issue with individuals that don't know me personally feel compelled to issue personal attacks and claim that I am a total ignorant regarding marriage matters. In fact, I have been happily married for 7 years and blessed with a gorgeous 2 and a half month baby boy. May be some of you think that I am speaking out of my ***, but rather, I am speaking from experience in dealing with similar situations that have arosed at one point or another in our marriage. Because we have always have an open 2 way street of communications we have been able to talk about differences, find ways to resolve them and ultimately, work out compriomises that we feel are fair and beneficial for both of us.

I don't know if some of you have been following Stu's saga with his car/wife, but if you look up previous posts of him, it appears to be that she already has a suitable family hauler (Don't remember whether it is a SUV, Minivan or sedan) and the MINI was Stu's car, used in occassion, to take out the family on drives.

Bottom line was that according to him, she absolutely hated the car, and no amount of reasoning in Stu's part (Even he went as far as gathering all the safety information he could find on the car to change her mind) could do anything to, at the very least, accept the fact that the little car made her husband happy and that probably a compromise could be made in terms of, perhaps, using more her vehicle when going out together and using the MINI on a rare event. She wanted him to get rid of the car and she apparently didn't let go until Studog "Threw in the towel" and sold it.

Stu has admitted that he "Hated" the decision and one way to reason what he probably perceives as an unfair and arbitrary decision in his wife's part as being "Part of the team" and that he had to make the sacrifice to bring back the harmony.

I don't know guys, but when going by Studog's own accounts something doesn't seem to be working there. Obviously I don't now Stu and his wife personally, nor I am casting a shade of a doubt on whether they love each other or not. That is not what this thread is about.

Rather, I fully 100% symphatize with Studog because the man is clearly unhappy about having to give up his car. But not only that, it is the precedent that this episode has created in his marriage. From now on if his wife doesn't like his choice of vehicle she'll push all the hot buttons until he gives up. That is the vicious circle that they both need to address to ensure a happy, healthy marriage.

Unfortunately and sadly, marriages begin to go downhill for the most petty things. When there is not a clear pathway of communication and one of both partners in the relationship are fighting for control and no one is willing to work out a compromise, then you are bound to have problems.

Again this is my opinion and certainly wish Studog the best of luck. He is venting his frustration here and he has excercised that right accordingly. But me thinks he should also be venting his frustration over having had to let go of his car with his wife.

 

Also, I am not advocating the use of a MINI solely as a family car. It is doable, yes, but for most families having a MINI as the family hauler may not work out as desired. We own 2 MINIs so both are family haulers and so far we are doing better than expected. But at somepoint, very soon, we will need to have a second car with at least 1 rear door and more rear passenger/cargo room for our son. This is why we have put our names down for a new '08 MINI Clubman wagon.

I would think that any household with at least 1 four door vehicle, can handle having a MINI alongside. Again it all depends on the situation but if you have 1 or 2 kids, I don't see how owning a MINI can be detrimental for the family if there is a main family vehicle available on hand.

 

I found some early posts by Studog.... He used to have a fairly new '05 Acura TL and he traded it in for a '06 MCSa "demo" car. His wife drives also a fairly recent Acura MDX SUV. Read on, you'll be the judge. Stu LOVED his car!

Need Advice
I need some non-biased advice.

I really wanted a MCS but I got swayed to another car.
05 Acura TL and I thinking of dumping for the MCS.
My other car (the family car Acura MDX)

The Acura is a nice car, fast, lots of bells and whistle.
It's a luxury car, but not alot of character.

What-da-ya think.

Thanks all

Studog

WOW! I didn't mean to cause sutch debate. Thanks! Great feedback.

Sorry I sould have stated this would be the 2nd car the 1st is an SUV
Acura MDX and we do use it to the max. All seven seats, Home Depot,
bikes, strollers etc. And actually my current 2nd car is an Acura TL just 2 month old. The TL is a cool, but lacks personality and is just **** on gas.
I wanted a MCS but was well talked out of it.

I'm thinking of ditching it and getting the MCS and needed a liitle gut check.

Again thanks to you all.

Studog

Hello all,

I have 2 questions.
I like to get a MCS but the mrs. thinks it not safe for the kids.
I'd love to hear feedback from you guys with kids.

Also I'm planning on having the car 5/6 yrs. eveyone think
it's good for the long haul?



So I took a bath and traded in my 4 month
old Acura TL for a 2 1/2 month old MCSa.

WIFE IS PISSED, but it's her fault I did do it in the 1st place.

My TL was a great car, but as I read on a thread the other
day the Japanes car are nice but really have no soul.
I couldn't agree more. From day one when this car came out
I knew I'd get one.

So I lost a **** load of money but I F-IN LOVE THIS CAR!

Astro BLK w/white top
Chrome side mirrors
SPORT
Premium
Cold Weather
Siriurs
4R99 Polished
Tinted 35%

The car was a demo they knocked $2800 off and I
got them to throw in all weather mats,
boot mat, black mess grille and an arm rest.
My sale person is going to try to get me a factory
one but I'll have to cover install.
(I fought hard for ext warranty but that was a no go)

They reasured me it's clean from the problems the 05a
are having. They said they had a few of the with
the problems and are up on it and will totally take care
of me if something comes up.

So that's it. It rained today so when it's all sunny I'll do some picts.

Studog


Thanks to all.

Stu

 

WELL, This thread has begun to seperate the MEN from the BOYS.

A marriage fails when one or both parites fail to SERVE the other. While I tend to agree that stu's spouse is probably acting out of her own will. But the thing a MAN learns is to not let selfish pride obstruct sacrifice.
Failure on one persons part to serve the others desires is not licence to act like a boy/girl yourself......you must still seek to set your will aside in defrence to your spouse.....Thats called sacrifice, and without it you just have two individuals competing for thie own self intrests

NOW ....A wuss is someone who is buying brand new cars on the basis of safety Most of us grew up standing in the front seat of mom's 72 pontiac, while your brother slept in the back window! We rode in the back of pick-up trucks and GASP!!! We rode bikes without helmets!!!........This whole nation is turning into a bunch of wussies if you ask me .....no trans-fats...etc....some of you act like we all don't die in the end
Quit living in a state of fear and LIVE!!!

 

New to the forum...

But IS this what the forum is really about? I sure hope not. Unless you live with the guy, how can you judge fairly, moreover is it really your place. All I can say is...

Judge and prepare to BE judged.

Well, on to read more R56 topics (:

 

studog, best of luck gettin back into a MINI someday, somehow. It sounds like you made the decision that will work out best for you, painful as it may be. The way you position your driver's seat, one of the kids has zero leg room, and of course that's not safe. Apparently you can't rely 100% on the other vehicle for getting them around.

C4, you're way, way out of line. And it's not a matter to be settled by PMs, once you've posted your pseudo-clinical opinion of studog's marriage here.

07PepperS - we're usually better behaved here. Usually. Or at least often enough that this place is worthwhile.

 

Chrisnl, let's agree to disagree here. Nothing I said was improper or out of line but if you feel that way that is, so be it.

 

To make this clear ...

My "reaction" was to calling the OP a "Wuss", totally disrespectful because you cannot possibly analyze his marriage from one incident. My reaction is not towards anyone or their "opinions" on how a marriage should work.

Several ppl have explained, in their opinions, how a marriage "should" work and thats cool, we all have opinions. But until your walking in the OP's shoes ... do not pretend you know what he is going through.

The poor guy sounded upset ... maybe looking for some sympathy or empathy, and instead gets a bunch of marriage counseling BS. ...... THAT is my issue with this thread. By doing that the ppl offering marriage counseling advice are wanting to impose YOUR theories on HIS marriage. I guess that is human nature in that all humans want everything to work the way "they" are comfortable with so I'll write that off as "human nature". It's no different than saying "I love MINIs" and you want others to have that same feeling ... its part of being human.

So ... here is the "other side" to the "toy" argument. You can choose to ignore .... trash it .... flame it ... or whatever because I'm not going to try to impose "my opinion" on marriage on anyone else. just relate life experience ...

I agree 100% a marriage should be a team, partnership, whatever ... no question ... on ALL things. Part of the depends upon the maturity or emotional development of both parties.

For "most" normal ppl with average incomes, a car is a MAJOR investment. The second most expensive thing the couple will EVER buy. Now I do read a lot of NAM about its "my car" versus "our car". To each their own but IMO, its "ours" ... not mine. The day you get married .... "MY", for MAJOR purchases, went out the window. "My car" is when your a teenager with no responsibilities in life. My golf clubs, my tennis racket, my camera, etc. totally different, far cheaper purchases that do not effect the household. For her, my shoes, my cooking class, or whatever. But cars are a totally different league ... for average ppl. If your wealthy ... this discussion is not for you.

As you move forward in time, again depending upon the partners, you may (or may not) find that there are certain things just not worrying about .... and a hunk of metal that depreciates and will one day sit in a junkyard ... is trivial in the big scheme of life. Its ... "in the noise" ... in relation to making the "love of your life" happy.

That probably sound like eek: Not MY car but maybe when you find far more important things like life, death, health, etc. you find out quickly, objects can be replaced .... Wives are much harder to replace.

Someday ... those with children may find those children moving out ... married ... and moving elsewhere. I know this might be in the future for probably most MINI owners but At that time you might want to retire somewhere where you can pursue your hobbies. But your child may have moved to .... wherever. When the decision comes where to retire ... if the wife is close to say a daughter, who do you think is going to win that argument?

I'm not going to argue there shouldn't be give and take or compromise ... of course there is .... but if the OPs wife TRULY hates that car. There is nothing on the face of the earth that is going to change her mind (as the OP said). So now the dilemma ... insist on "my toy" or take care of HER needs.

You said he had no Cajones ... I say he took care of his woman ... like man does. Fulfilling HER needs takes precedence over any material object.

If you dont live your life that way and are fine ... that's great. But trying to impose how you live onto someone else ... not cool.