I have copied this off of Metroplexmini.org but thought many on you could relate to this.

Upgrades on the downlow. Can you relate?
Dennis (d2mini) from Cooperspeed posted this and I had to share.

Over the past few years we Bubbas have refined and honed the Underground Upgrade Club (U.U.C.) to a fine art. It requires skill, cunning and a knowledge of the enemy's patterns and intel capability (that would be the wife, or Significant Other (S.O.)). You have to be quick on your feet, sharp of wit, and NEVER underestimate your opponent. If this looks like a plan set up by the C.I.A., well ...... they stole our ideas.

First off, you must remember: CASH IS KING. Never leave a paper trail on your upgrade purchases. Tell your suppliers you are (!!Oh-Mai-Gawd!!) sending cash though the mail. It's the kiss of death, otherwise. Take an extra twenty bucks outta the ATM each week and stick it in the coffee can next to the tool box. That's your upgrade stash and no one ever looks in rusty cans on your shelf. Credit cards are absolutely no good. You can only write checks if the Mrs. doesn't know your password to Quicken on the 'puter.

Next, you need a SAFE HOUSE to do your upgrades. This is a buddy's house where you are going to do the actual work. When its time to do the upgrade, the story is "I'm goin' over to Fred's house to help him work on his car".? In reality, you're going to Fred's house to choreograph an installation ballet you've set up for YOUR car. Reciprocate in kind.

Then, have a SHIP DROP ZONE at a business where a buddy can take your UPS or freight on the upgrade and hold it for you until you pick it up. The S.O. has spies and alliances within a 3-block radius of your home so never deliver into your neighborhood to another house, no matter how freindly the occupant may be to your cause or you will get caught.

AMASS TALENT. Get three or four Bimwad buds that know an rachet from an open end wrench to meet at the Safe House when its time to do the Upgrade. Ya'll jump in together to do the work sort of like the Amish do barn-raisin' in 'WITNESS'. See, ya gotta have the job finished when you come back home from Fred's House later that evening. Time is critical and the install must go off like clockwork so get your parts lined up ahead of time.

COMMUNICATIONS are to be only via e-mail to set the work up. Remember the enemy is sharp and possesses excellent recon intel capabilites. It is imperative to stay away from telephones and voice mail/recorders when setting up your logistics. Never leave unencrypted messages.

At the pre-appointed time you and your team sortie and engage the work like Panzers rolling into Poland. Lubricate all attendees liberally with Rolling Rock and supply Nacho Doritos for nourishment. Boost morale by promising fantasy-filled dalliances with HOOTERS wimmen upon successfully completion of the tasks at hand. Although there's not a chance in hell that you'll actually make it to HOOTERS that night, the troops like to think ya'll will and it will keep their spirits up.

Sell safety items on their own merit. Generally it has been determined that spousal units will support safety upgrades (which are usually highly visible an impossible to conceal, like roll bars, harnesses, etc.) and save the UUC upgrades for performance items. However, be prepared for the dreaded SIC (Safety Item Comeback) which defies male logic with retorts like: "If you stopped going to the track you wouldn't NEED safety upgrades, right? Why not coach lil' Johnnies T-Ball instead?". Your usual response to this will be to mumble something unintelligible as you head off to take out the trash.

When you do get caught with a post-install upgrade....and you will.....the sharp UUC'er will have his story ready. For example:

S.O.: "What did you do to the car? It rides really rough and seems lower to the ground?"

You: "Ahhhh...yes honey, the car DOES ride a little harder. I made an adjustment to the castor by shimiming the kingpins and tensioning the rear torsion bar using some replacement Delrin bushings with an offset camber angle adjustment of - 2.0 degrees and let some air out of the tires".

(this is told in lieu of declaring the entire Bilstein Sport, H&R Spring, R-D Sport Sway Bar, K-MAC Camber Plate upgrade....chaaaacCHING... $2,000)

S.O.: "And how much do these Delrin Bushings cost?"

You: "Oh, those are pretty cheap...only $ 35 for the set". (This is not a lie, you just didn't use any).

S.O.: "Hrrrummpp...$ 35 for bushings???!!! That could have gone in the fund for the new carpet in the house. Well, I don't like the way it rides.

I'm not going to drive it now".

You (casually): "Oh really? I hardly even noticed the difference. <massively stifling urge to yell out : "YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"> We'll get that carpet for you ...ahh....next year.

Situation: Handled.

That's how its done by the masters.....

The only possible way this all blows up in your face is when you wanna sell the car (or you total it) and they only want to pay you book value for it. Take it like a man and MAKE SURE you do not make little moaning and upset noises if your S.O. is present or else she may finally figure out you have a 3-year-old; 50,000 MINI.

 

I am a long time member of the UUC and didn't even know it!. This is so RIGHT ON I can't stop laughing. The only problem I can see about this thread is-

WHAT IF WOMEN READ THIS!!!!

All of our secrets will be exposed. Oh noooooooooo

ps. I am also in the "New Carpet" dilemma as we speak.

 

Oh yeah? Well, I invented those techniques years ago and they've been stolen from me! Heh heh heh! I have used many of them, and only answer questions in the vaguest manner...tee hee!


Clover

 

I have to admit that I have ordered parts without "mutual" approval. But I always come out and spill the beans. Can not help it. I am counting on how much she likes to ride on the MINI and is in love with it, to know that she will understand, eventually. "Sadly", the MINI S 2003 was available only in "Stick" form and she only drives "Auto". I am not selling this thing for many years to come.

Bomboasy

PS. Next... One ball !

 

I feel sorry for anybody who has to go through that kind of crud...

My wife wants to mod the MINI more than getting new carpet, and she does at least half of the work... I think we're going to end up getting her a cabrio so we quit disagreeing on what needs to be modded next.

 

My wife doesn't mind what I do to our MINI as long as it "looks cool". She is an enthusiast too! :smile:

 

My wife is still not aware of the $4K+ I spent on wheels and tires
for my other car the other month. hehehe.

I have a secret account she doesn't know about.

 

You are a lucky Man!

Unfortunatly most women aren't as car crazy as we are. One thing I have been watching is how my wife gets what she wants. She is very consistant, always saying "It was on sale". I have started using this approach with some success. I print off the highest price I can find and show her how much I saved. I just got my new wheels during an "internet Special" and saved over $400! I could I pass up such a huge savings?

 

Luck me, my wife only mentions the money issue when I'm getting us in debt Recently, after having installed the Koni Sport struts, Powerflex engine bushings then WMS head, I was worried because it's LOUD-STIFF-and Vibrates like you know what. After 30 miles or so I asked her if she was comfortable with the 10 hour drive to the Dragon and she said "sure":smile:

 

Julie walked in to my office Saturday and busted me red-handed. I was talking with Peter from M7 with the phone in one hand and credit card in the other! She gave me the "you're dead look" and walked out. After I hung up, I immidiately I got on the overstock.com website and ordered some stuff for the house. When she asked what I was doing on the phone, I told her that it was a surprise for her and it will be here next week! It was a good save but it still cost me a few hundred bucks that could have gone into the MINI!

PS: I am glad she knows nothing about cars. She actually believes that my Hamann HM4s cost $500 - with the Proxes4 tires!

 

The UUC doesn't work at my house either.

We've both got Mini's so she's quick to sniff anything out. Plus trying to decide whose Mini gets the upgrade first. I actually have to stash money for the house so it doesn't get spent on the Minis.

 

Just remember this, you can sleep in your car but you can't drive your house. That should get your priorities straight.

 

What a funny thread! I think I'll start one called "Recon for hire" so that all the S.O.'s out there can "leave the spying to me, for a nominal fee" and stay informed on spouse SME's (Secret Modification Expenditures).

Actually, if I'm completely honest with myself... (naaaah, who would want to do THAT!) I rather 'under-publicized" the significant cash I ponied up recently for cleaning/detailing (read: NECESSARY, NOT TRIVIAL) supplies.

Off to start my other thread now... I'll use the proceeds from my spying to finance replacing my runflats .

Tatt

 

Don't make the mistake of placing your SO as CFO as I did That's funny Rickanderson I can keep this quiet from your SO for a couple hundred bucks too

 

Ha - you guys should know by now that us women ALWAYS manage to sniff out what's going on.... We have that 6th sense ya know...

Mike is lucky.... we are both car nuts - so nothing to hide...hehehehe

Donna
02' CR/W MCS (gone to MINI heaven - burned up)
05' Cool Blue MCSC "Ariel"

 

My SO didn't understand why I needed a MINI in the first place. A co-worker told her - "At his age it's either that or an affair!" That seemed to console her for a while..

Then she started asking me questions like - "Uh..what's an intake?" and "what's it going to do?" and "why do you need it to go FASTER?"

With the brake light mod I caught a break... "So....it's a safety issue?"
"Uh YEAH, RIGHT! A SAFETY ISSUE! THAT's IT."

Whew! Safe for a little while longer

 

You're catching on!

 

If they ask why it needs to go faster, tell them its a safety issue for merging on the interstate!


Or, tell them it helps lift their ***** and keeps them from sagging, so it is a medical expense and you only have their best interests at heart!

 

Or is it that you're keeping their breast interests at heart?

 

I like to reference "actual purchases" versus "potential purchases". It works for anything... MINI, shoes, everything that can possibly be purchased in NYC. i.e - "Out of all of these things I could have gotten, I only got this..."

Luckily I don't have to share my money.. just have to report back to the parents every now and then if I'm looking wreckless... which I never am. I swear.

 

Got my stash of cash in it's hiding place right now! Not quite enough for a head, but I'm working on it.

 

I have so much stuff on/under/over/around my desk at work, I don't use it any more.
Anyone need some takeoffs?