Years ago I was a service advisor for a Porsche+Audi store. One day a woman came in complaing that her new Audi 5000 wouldn't go over 50 mph. We got in (I drove ) and headed for the hiway where it hit 80 mph in 2nd gear (auto trans) As I looked at her quizzically she said indignantly "Well sure, if you push it all the way down!"

Oh, and chow4us, the joke I heard was the blond was at a parts place trying to buy a 710 cap for her boyfriend's car........

 

Great stories.

Non-car realted but when I was a bicycle mechanic, we got a call from a wife of a VERY good customer. He was out of town, and she wanted to ride her $3k road bike he had purchased for her, but the problem was her "Shi-MAN-O" was "off to the left". We had no idea what she meant. Well in doing a house call (remember VERY good customer), I found that the brake cable routing line was off center, and causing a brake pad to rub on the rim. Printed on the guide was the name of the parts manufacturer "Shimano". I centered her brake and she rode off into the sunset. I am sure you can guess the double-entandre'(sp?), having one's "Shi-MAN-O" off, while her husband was away on business, might have meant. LOL!!

 

Non car post. I used to manage a video store in the mid 80's. A woman came in and rented her first VCR and tapes. Took them home and hooked up the VCR then called the store to figure out why the VCR wouldnt work. I spent the next half hour going over every connection with her trying and retrying to figure out what was wrong. Finally I just apologized for what was a defective VCR and was about to tell her to bring the VCR back in for a replacement when she asked me....."should the TV be turned on?"

 

I got one... Years ago when I worked at Albertson's I had a lady come through the checkstand returning some cans of tuna. I asked her what was wrong with them and she said, "It's says dolphin safe, but it still tastes like dolphin."

 

During a recent Autocross at the Gyminikhana event, a competitor set a personal best time, but was really worried when a warning light popped up on his Mini's dash. Another Mini owner came over and was likewise stumped.

"OMG, we're hosed! Why is the green speedometer warning light on? Have I been pushing the car too hard? Will this be covered under warranty?"

After reaching in and pushing the MFSW button, I assured him his autocross times would likely improve if... he left the cruise control "off"...

(names have been left off to protect the innocent, besides his time was too darned close to mine!)

 

A friend of mine is a Lexus tech and one day an older man came in complaining of a buzzing noise from the cubby between the seats when turning left. He couldn't duplicate the noise, so he went on a test drive with the man and sure enough the noise was there. After some checking he found that when he turned left the mans body would shift a little to the right and his cell phone would hit the center cubby and one of the buttons would make his phone vibrate against the center cubby causing the noise.

I've had a customer come in complaining of a bell noise when driving over rough roads or taking turns. Upon inspection found that there was a fishing pole bell attached to the rear seat. The easiest fix I've ever had.

 

I worked in a Marina after high school. A cocky guy came into the service department telling everyone he was going to rebuild his motor himself. He poked around for a couple days asking questions and generally ensuring everyone that he was clueless. I went over to him one day and asked him "did anyone tell you about the piston return springs? If they are broken they disintigrate, so you'll have to weld in new "keepers" and add the springs by hand". He said no and then and went to talk to the parts guy. The parts guy took the whole thing in stride and sold him a bag of small springs and sent him on his way. We never saw the guy again. I like to think he's still trying to weld those spring keepers into the block!

 

I am not a geezer. I wear my pants pulled up to my armpits because I am cool

 

My Dad just got a new Silverado and although he normally doesn't go for the bells and whistles, the dealer offered him a good deal on one on the lot so he got cruise control, onstar, and all sort of other things. He did the cruise control light the other day while I was riding and I spent a good 20 minutes showing him how to play MP3 discs on his CD player. The dealer made him learn all the other features when he went back to have a few extras put in. (He loves showing off the onstar voice dialing now)

I guess I should put my own little blunder in here too. I was taking a trip in the MINI and since I was starting off very early in the morning had stocked the car with bottles of water and sunflower seeds (my favorite road-trip food). Well, at around 2AM I noticed my tire warning light was on so I slowed to 55 and pulled into the first service station I could find. I called roadside assistance and decided to clean out the car a bit. I took a bunch of empty waterbottles out and threw them away and then, since it was pretty warm, started to the car to run the AC. I noticed the tire light had gone out, I drove around the service station and it didn't come back on. I called and canceled the tow and continued on my way without it coming back on again. As best I can figure I'd put a water bottle between the seats which rested on the tire pressure warning reset button....I'd much rather chalk it up to a typical British electrical gremlin though.