This morning I am getting ready to wash my 2003 MCS 57,000K

I notice the left rear running light, both marker lights rear and front and the front parking light are on. I checked to make sure the turn signal or parking lights weren't on. As I got out of the car, the door locks and rear hatch began chattering like 'Woody Woodpecker', I then took out the manual to try to identify the problem. The doors locked, all marker lights left and right came on, parking/turn signal lights came on and flashed repeatedly, the windows began moving up and down.

The battery is less that a year old, terminals are tight and haven't checked the fuses yet. Any thoughts 'Miniacs'?