This is a 2009 Mini Cooper S (with I think factory JCW, not sure how to confirm this, but I just see the JCW wording when getting into the car) with about 78k miles on it. I was out and had parked it, I went to start the engine up and it wouldn't crank at all. Interior panel lights and A/C were working, but then went dim and would flicker, so I was assuming the battery is pretty well and dead. However, I got someone to jump me off and I was pulling out of the parking lot, the gas pedal would not accelerate the car at all and was crawling basically. It was like I wasn't pushing the gas at all. I managed to get into another parking lot before it totally died or I caused a wreck and then I saw some white smoke coming out of the hood. During all of this, the engine has been making a very rattle puttering noise. I was able to get a video of the rattle type noise before it completely stopped starting.

You Tube

I had the battery tested and it did indeed need a charge, but after getting it charged and reinstalled, the engine will not turn over and some white smoke comes out of the passenger side during any attempts to start it up. I do hear it clicking.
These codes were on the OBD before I recharged the battery: P1776, P1777, P0300-Cylinder Misfire detected random cylinders, P0301 through P0304-Cylinders 1-4 misfire detected, and P0503-Vehicle Speed Sensor 'A' Intermittent/Erratic/High.
After replacing the battery and clearing the above, codes P1776 -Ignition Retard Request Duration Fault and P1777-Step Motor Circuit were given.
Any idea on where to start working on to fix this?
I'm unsure of the service history, so I do not know if the timing chain or HPFP have been replaced yet. Oil levels were fine when I checked them as well. The only lights in the dash are the CEL. Tonight I put the key in and listened to the engine to hear what was going on after trying to start. There was a faint sort of buzzing whirring sound that seemed to come from the passenger side while I was inside the car and at one point there was a sort of clicking sound that came from around the back area where the intake manifold is(heard this while outside the car looking at the engine).

 

Sounds like the timing guides are toast to me. I hope too much damage was not done. Next step in my opinion would be to pull the valve cover, inspect the upper chain guide and chain.

 

Finally got some time to pull the valve cover. There was no plastic chain guide at all for the top portion and it looks as though the metal portion of the top guide has been snapped off(left most circle) in two places. I could see the other guides down in the chain area and they looked fine. I tried to look for any loose plastic, but it didn't look like there was any down in there, but I will need to look with a better flashlight. I also found that one of the valve spring cover things was missing(lower right circle), it was still in there and I managed to put it by taking off the bracket things that hold the cam down and putting it back into position. There was also something that I thought was a socket at first(middle circle) but had no markings on it.

So I guess my next step would be to search again for any loose parts and remove them and replace the top guide and mounting thing.The chain itself was very taught, with no slack at all, so I have hopes I just need to replace the top guide.

 

You'll find the rest of your top guide, big pieces, in the bottom of your oil pan and smaller pieces in the oil pump strainer. Gotta pull the pan to clean it out. Don't try to get away with replacing only the top guide, plan on getting a chain replacement kit from one of our NAM suppliers --- minimum chain, guides, and TTY bolts. During disassembly, clean the vanos actuator screen too. If it's a DIY job, you'll need special tools and a procedure with torque settings --- https://www.newtis.info/tisv2/a/en/ otherwise ensure your shop has experience with N14 engines.

The part in your middle circle looks like a guide for assembling the head or tranny to the block, can't tell without a couple more pics and / or dimensions. Maybe a reinforcement from the valve cover where the mounting bolt goes thru?

 

Thanks! I was hoping to get away with just replacing the top guide, but I guess if one is gone the others shortly follow. With my limited level of experience in DIY car repair, I think I will just have to eat the cost and get it towed to a shop. By the time I buy all the tools and everything it'll cost close to what the shop will charge anyways.