Trying to diagnose my first possible dead battery on my 2012 CM ALL4S.

I put the key in, can't turn the car over and all of my interior lights flash (lights near sunroof controls, red triangle above the dash, etc). My big speedometer shows a check-engine light and nothing else, while the smaller speedometer behind the steering wheel shows the yellow ABS and brake lights. No radio on (volume is up) and the brake pedal is hard to press in.

I waited a few minutes and tried again, but now only my speedometer behind the wheel shows my mph being 0 and nothing else is turning on. No wiper blade action, headlights or anything and I can't take my key out.

Can anyone help?

 

To take the key out, turn the steering a little bit, either way, to take the pressure off the steering lock.
Try again, but the other symptoms do indicate a dead battery.

 

Luckily there's an auto shop across the parking lot exit from my apartment complex, so I can call them and walk over and pick it up to install myself!

 

Try a jump start first, then a charging system check.
If the battery is the original 8 years old & you do get a new one, I believe it needs to be coded to the car = $$$.

 

The battery has a 3/18 sticker on it.

I could get a jump, but I can’t move the shift into neutral because nothing turns on and it’s facing the inside of my one-car garage.

I was planning on getting a voltmeter from Walmart tomorrow to check the charge and go from there.

 

There is a procedure for moving shifter with dead battery. Check owners manual. 3/18 battery dead, possibly last replacement didn't do the coding because they thought it was BS.

 

Just a small update

It was dead, had roadside come to my apartment to jump it and he said it was at 3v. Been monitoring it all week through the OBDII and my UltraGauge with nothing but 14v while driving.

I must have done something dumb to kill the battery. Bought a battery charger in case so I'll be on my motoring way!