Hello Classic Mini aficionados. I come from a long line of Mark I Minis and was active in the Mini Owners of America, San Francisco chapter from the late ‘70s until the mid ‘90s. I currently autocross an ’03 Cooper. I recently came across some stuff that I wrote for the program of the National MOA East Meets West Convention in Denver in 1984. Thought you might enjoy reading the following:


The Mini Therapist

Dear Doctor:

My problem is that my lover can’t make up his mind to live with me or his wife. What can I do? Bruce, San Francisco

Dear Bruce:

Changing polarity is a relatively simple task. First, connect the positive terminal on the battery to the main feed and the negative to ground. Then brush the smaller of the two wires to the dynamo against a hot lead to set up the regulator for negative ground.

Dear Doctor:

I can’t seem to get any reaction from my girlfriend when we kiss. Isn’t there something I can do to turn her on? Frustrated, San Diego

Dear Frustrated:

he front suspension nipples are easily located and they need periodic attention. If they are dry, use a recommended lubricant. The entire chassis will not function properly for long unless these nipples are serviced as described.


Dear Doctor:
I can’t seem to keep it up any more. What can I do? Pooped Out, Cleveland

Dear Pooped Out:

Shaving your head may give you more compression and enable you to keep up with the traffic. Don’t overdo it, however, as you may experience some bothersome pinging.


Dear Doctor:

I’m confused. Just what are the advantages and disadvantages of the various birth control methods? Safety Conscious, Denver

Dear Safety Conscious:

There are two systems: wet and dry. The dry set up has a rubber cone as a damper. It can be adjusted for ride height with some difficulty by lengthening or shortening the struts. The wet system uses a fluid in a rubber bag which can be pumped up easily and gives a comparatively comfortable ride. Both are equally safe.


Dear Doctor:

My boyfriend doesn’t know when or how to stop when we get romantic. It’s go, go, go every time! What can I tell him? Still-a-virgin-but-barely, Vancouver

Dear Still-a-virgin-but-barely:

Disc brakes give the best stopping power. A vacuum booster can be added, but this will only making stopping easier, not necessarily faster. If this equipment is unavailable, twin lead shoes will halt the action nearly as fast.


Dear Doctor:

My husband is a graduate of the wham-bam, thank-you-mam school of romance. He needs help! Longing-for-leisure, New York

Dear Longing-for-leisure:

Drive gears can range from high speed to cruising ratios. A 2.9:1 final drive will slow down the RPM’s considerably, at some expense in power. A more relaxed atmosphere is created with this modification.

 

Problem solved

 

It's a little hard to read but entertaining none the less! More please.