This is no BS - it really happened (yeah, right

There I was at the light, 3 AM, no traffic. . .when out of the corner of my eye I see him. . .jet black ride, chrome wheels, balloon tires. . .yep, my worst fears. . .it was a Classic Schwinn, deluxe model - had the streamers on the handlebars, and a bell, too.

I eyeballed the kid on the bike - scrawny little dude, but powerful legs. I know if he gets the holeshot on me it's all over. I burp the throttle, he shifts his weight onto the upside pedal. . .it's ON!!! Sweat beading on my forehead, I watch the light. It goes green - and in a cloud of dust and tire smoke, we're off. . .the Schwinn wheelies through first gear, he slams second. . .I forgot to switch off my DSC and he got the jump on me. I know I'm in trouble. . .my wife in the passenger seat, yelling at me to keep the throttle pinned. . .we're pulling even. . .the kid's legs are like pistons, driving the Schwinn forward at insane speeds. . .we nose ahead, but he hits third. . .my wife screams that he's starting to pull us. . .we only have one choice; I tell her to grab the Spoke-inator - a 3-foot section of broom handle we keep in the footwell for just such an emergency. . .she leans out of the passenger window as we pull even. . .then jams that sucker in the Schwinn's front spokes, sending the kid @ss over teakettle. . .

Maybe it was a dirty little trick, but in the heat of battle, you do what you need to do to win. Bottom line: Forget the CAIs and pulleys, the best mod you can make to your MINI is to keep a Spoke-inator in the footwell. That way you'll always be able to beat that Schwinn Classic. . .but I'm sure glad the kid had asthsma, otherwise we'd have had a tough time getting him in Spoke-inator range.

 

I feel like I was there.... Too funny


Nik

 

See, it's not all about horsepower! Unless a horse is on the Schwinn.

 

Well, you see, a horse on a Schwinn will STILL get beaten by an asthsmatic kid on a Schwinn, since there are only two pedals on the bike. The horse can't get the extra power to the drivetrain, and he totally whacks out the power-weight ratio. See, it's all about the numbers.

 

WAIT. How do you _know_ he was in first gear? And, how many gears did he have? Maybe it was one of those race bikes that is crap off the line but fast as hell up top. Lack of numbers don't lie!

 

You should have let him go, I was really interested in how the two of you would fare in the twisties

 

Maybe he just had to go to the bathroom.


You didn't help (or, maybe you DID) with the Spoke-inator.

 

I will be the first to call BS on this!
I used to own a Schwinn "Classic". I assume you mean a Stingray. Mine was the five speed, banana seat, and sissy bar. Mean green. I KNOW that a Stingray can outrun any MINI S in a straight line. I say the rider was a low-timer. It's all the driver anyways. I have seen a guy on a Huffy fer chrissakes beat a modded Vega, because he knew what he was doing. And yeah, you definitely woulda had him in the twisties. Of course those new "mountain bikes" are a handful on a rally course. They can bring the rear end around with the best of us. Get a swaybar and your rear will snap around, too.
MINIs are the best!
Enjoy yours!

 

No, no, a thousand times NO!! Sheesh - EVERYONE knows the Stingray can take the MCS in a straight line. I meant the CLASSIC Schwinn (see below) - but this one had the bell AND the streamers. Those things were mean in the twisties. . .could really give the MINI a good run. But NO WAY could a Huffy beat a modded Vega, unless his suspenders were caught on the Vega's door handle. . .now a Raleigh Chopper, on the other hand. . .THOSE were nigh on unbeatable. . .especially the ultra-rare 10-speeds.

Don't call BS unless you know your bikes. Gotta keep the musclebikes straight, people.




Classic:



Stingray:



Raleigh Chopper:

 

Yeah, but let's see you try to pin a baseball card in the spokes of your ride! Everyone knows a fresh card adds a nice poppity-pop that rivals the new '05 exhaust. Vintage rookie cards work best for this.

 

Now see - that would be a possibility with a set of tweels!! All the more reason to watch the new technology. . .

 

Simply awesome

 

This goes to show you, the driver makes all the difference. The bike rider was a kid, after all, and most likely not in tune with his ride at such a tender age. You might not have come out of this scrap had you come across a seasoned pro, say, Pee-Wee Herman:




Your encounter might be a bit more humbling in a case like this!

 

Ha! Even Pee-Wee isn't a match for the Spoke-inator. . .tried and tested on various makes and models of bikes dating back to my youth.

 

Great kill story! You "spoked" him.

I think he had a weight advantage over you. Gut the interior, ditch the wife, take out the glass, and remove the doors, and you might have the power to weight ratio of your opponent.

 

Can't ditch the wife, she wields the Spoke-inator!

 

Gut the interior and ditch the wife?

Crap - I got that backwards. . .I ditched the interior and gutted the. . .er, never mind. . .gotta wait till nightfall and do some, uh, digging in the backyard. . .

 

I have found JUST the weapon to do battle with those pesky Schwinn riders:

 

I call foul on the use of the spoke-inator. That was low. This level of competition on city streets is unacceptable...take it to the sidewalk, friend!!! You shoulda known from the bell and streamers that the Schwinn was heavily modded and that the pilot meant business. In any case he deserved more respect...Schwinns are famous in the twisties, on grass, and get way superior gas mileage. That counts for something in my book!!!

 

Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing. Sorry, pal, if you can't stand the heat, stay offa th' sidewalks.

Say - what kind of wheels do you have on YOUR MINI???

 

I wanna see Greatbear's hay-hauler foe from yesterday race the Schwinn! Wheeee!


Clover

 

Schwinn Classics are notoriously fast. Anyone experienced in MINI/bicycle street racing should have known. I wonder if the 400HP MINI in Phoenix has run afoul of the papergirl on the Classic with the Profile aero bars. If she catches you at a light towards the end of her route, you will be toast.