Peter Egan (and friend) in Road & Track has a GREAT topic this month.

I have edited it for easy reading.

Any additions ???

>>>
Side Glances

Serf City, Here We Come!


By Peter Egan
February 2008

Peter Egan




I've often wondered what normal people do with all their spare time, as they appear not to spend half their lives looking at classified ads for cars, motorcycles and airplanes. Not to mention vintage guitars and old amplifiers with fossilized speaker cones.
If, through the magic of hypnosis — or just a firm cuff on the head — I should suddenly lose all interest in want ads, I'd probably have to do something useful with my life, such as attend medical school or learn what all those extra buttons do on our TV remote. Without Hemmings, Trade-a-Plane, Walneck's, Sports Car Market and Vintage Guitar Magazine, my existence would probably be pretty bleak and empty, like that of a barfly in a world without flashing neon. Picture Charles Bukowski trapped in Riyadh.
Still, I probably wouldn't be as bad off as my friend John Jaeger.
John is the king of want ads. He not only scans the same car classifieds I do, but he's also quite Internet-savvy (unlike me), and is directly wired into the fickle whims of every wavering car owner in North America. He lives in Southern California, but if there's a Morgan Plus 4 for sale in Maine or a TVR parts car available in Texas, he probably knows about it.
And, as an amusing side-line, John has become a connoisseur of the classified faux pas. Every time he sees an ad with odd wording or an interesting typo, he clips it out and pins it to a bulletin board over his desk. As you can imagine, he's got quite a collection by now. He read a few of his favorites over the phone the other night, so of course I asked him to make up a list and e-mail it to me.
Some people would call this sort of thing "annoying Spam," but I call it "column material."
"The strange thing about these ads," John told me, "is that many of the mistakes people make are almost like some kind of Freudian slip. The typo or wrong word choice often contains a grain of truth that's missing from the ad itself."
I looked at the ads he sent me and saw that he was right. Some are merely amusing errors, while others seem to harbor hidden warnings. Here are just a few examples:
"Serf City here we come!"
This appeared in an ad for a woodie station wagon. If you've priced a woodie lately — or tried to restore, say, a Buick woodie wagon with dry rot — you can appreciate the ominous implications here. Actually, every old car I've ever bought or restored has enabled me to remain in Serf City for pretty much my entire life. When not restoring cars, I'm out digging potatoes with a sharp stick.
"Interior carpeting with sound deafening."
My first Sprite had both interior carpeting and sound deafening. It was a rare combination of Wilton wool and a bad differential.
"Engine rebuilt from the head up."
Good. At least we won't have to paint the valve cover.
"Locking torch converter."
A transmission cooler would probably be in order here.
"The undercarriage was stripped and painted satan black."
We can only hope that the owner intended this to be "satin"; otherwise, it should have been capitalized and seems to describe some unspeakably weird ritual involving pentangles and hooded figures with candles.
"I have a singed testimonial from the original owner verifying the mileage at 59,000."
Are we dealing with Satan here again, or is this just more collateral damage from that locking torch converter?
"It starts. Witch says a lot for this car."
As well she should.
"Witch means there is a multiple duplicate of everything."
More news from the Dark Side. She should just say what she means, even if it's redundant.
"Tribute, clone recreation copy."
In the long run, these will be worth a lot more than your tribute clone recreation copy replicas.
"Not yet an SS clone."
I guess all we can do is wait and hope for the best.
"For Sale: Karma Ghia."
These are always a safe bet, because if the seller lies about the car's true condition a tree will fall on him. Worse yet, he'll be reincarnated as a British car buff living in Serf City.
"It took a 4-year courtship with the elderly owner to convince him to sell the car."
Which raises the question, can a Machiavellian have a truly Platonic relationship? We'd certainly like to think so, in this case.
"Older fella says the drive chain has been rebuilt."
Many questions here. Does the advertiser mean "drivetrain" or is he referring to the timing chain? Or is this an early chain-drive car? And is this "older fella" the same elderly car owner who just came off that four-year courtship? And, furthermore, can his judgment be trusted when he's been out drinking champagne and dancing all night?
"No e-mails. Cause I don't like to tipe."
I don't either, witch is why we have a Managing Editor to check things over.
"One of none built."
These are perhaps the rarest of all cars, and can only go up in value.
"It has a custom wood block that has been totally retarted."
If "retarted" isn't a real word in the used-car trade, it should be. Don't ask me what the deal is with that custom wood block.
"Short bed, white tonic cover."
Also good for hauling limes and Bombay Sapphire.
"1967 SL Roadster, German Addition."
Shades of Poland and Czechoslovakia...
"There is no title with the car; you would have to get a replacement from the BMV. It is an easy process, if you know where to go."
This would be funny, if I hadn't heard it so many times — usually while watching the ink dry on a check I've just written.
"No roots in rocker panels."
Actually, as a typical serf, I find this rather disappointing.
"Looks to be kind of pretty much rust free."
Very reassuring. Let me get that in writing, and have my lawyers check it over for possible loopholes.

And offered here without further comment:
"No rust in windows."
"SS turnkey clone project."
"Factory original restoration."
"Owned it since I bought it."
"The title says odometer exceeds
its limits but odometer reads 50450."
"I doubt she even swore in it, but cannot prove this."
"Cashers check only."
"There is only service rust."
"1967 Cougar. New electronic taillight sequencher."
"Car was magnetized prior to new car purchase."
John has many more of these, but I'm tired of tiping this clone recreation copy of a column and we look to be kind of pretty much out of space anyway.

 

Very clever!