Every once in a while I am astounded by the ability of just one individual to exhibit equally high levels of IGNORANCE, ARROGANCE and IDIOCY.

I give you not only the number one candidate, but the hands down winner of the DWHUA award so far this year. DWHUA? Driving With Head Up A**.

I understand spirited driving. I am the first to criticize the vast majority of douche bag drivers who fail to adhere to one of driving’s most simple and appropriate rules; keep right except to pass. I encountered many such tools (why is there such a high percentage of Ohioans in this group?) this past weekend driving north from Tennessee to Michigan on I-75. At no point however did I elect to jeopardize the safety and well being of either my passengers or my fellow motorists. Which brings me to somewhere north of Corbin Kentucky. While driving in the center lane, some uphill sections are 3 wide, on cruise control at a respectable speed limit plus 10%, I am aware of a rapidly closing small red car. It is obvious to me this car has no intention of slowing and the gap he was shooting for would require his front bumper to come within 2 feet of my rear bumper. The guy actually did it, and the real margin was closer to one foot. Of course he then used other slower vehicles as his own rolling chicanes to explore his motoring prowess. I of course took great offence to his IDIOTIC behavior. You see, my full size, fully loaded SUV was probably close to double his Miniscule weight. I thought for a moment about stabbing the brakes; I would barley feel him destroy his front end on my trailer hitch receiver. But I didn’t, instead I tried to speed up and pull up along him to, you know, ‘communicate.’ Obviously IGNORANT of the potential consequences, our Tom Kotzian wannabe continued on to no doubt pissing in the Wheaties of scores of drivers. My SUV was no match for the speed and agility of the Mini Cooper and he disappeared into the horizon. My brain however was a match; in fact moreso. This is where ARROGANCE comes in. Our villain was confident that his speed would either obscure anyone from reading the hugely tacky roll calls applied liberally to his steed, or that anyone who did read them certainly wouldn’t spend 10 minutes on the internet to find out a few details about just who the mystery douche bag behind the wheel was. I have considered forwarding this to each of the parts suppliers listed; just for humors sake.

It seems there is a tuning shop of sorts near the Illinois Wisconsin border. A place called www.thecoopershopinc.com . Well, actually, its www.therovershopinc.com, at least the picture on the side of the building says so. I’m not certain of the connection yet, but I soon will be. Mr. Douche bag also has a handle; he is none other than autoxcooper.com. I know this because of the large white letters festooned upon his car in various places. Guess what. Some guy named Dustin has the same name on North American Motoring, a website for dedicated Mini enthusiasts. Mr. Dustin doesn’t post there though; he’s been banned for something. I haven’t the time to investigate, but props to the mods there. They obviously know a douche bag when he posts. I also found Dustin made a few friends at Motoring Underground, another Mini enthusiast site. Not very good ones though; he hasn’t posted there since February of ’09. If you want real info, you could just visit Dustin’s website.

I’m guessing this team justa cooper member was slaying the dragon over the weekend and was on his way home. Then something funny happened; rain. A lot of it. My 4WD SUV powered right on through, and wouldn’t you know it, I was soon sharing the road with Mr. Considerate again, near Lexington, KY. Perhaps his dry performance tires that would have been a great choice for Deals Gap were not the best in heavy rain.

Dustin, if you should happen to read this, please, consider making an effort to not become a victim of road rage. You have no idea just how close you came last Saturday. Better yet, stick to your beloved cone dancing and stop ••••ing around with other people’s safety on public roads.